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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745345">Places</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/danke_rose/pseuds/danke_rose'>danke_rose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>X-Men (Comicverse)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Brood aliens, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, F/M, Grief, I wrote this for myself for fun, Mentions of Pregnancy, Not Canon Compliant, Sex, characters are probably definitely out of character, initially dead character won't stay dead, mentions of aliens inside someone's body</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:54:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/danke_rose/pseuds/danke_rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Nightcrawler really did quit the X-Men when he received the invitation to the Nightcrawler Museum in Winzeldorf?  What if he stayed in Germany and didn't die trying to save Hope?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kitty Pryde/Kurt Wagner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Nightcrawler Museum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Follows X-Men Manifest Destiny: Nightcrawler: Quitting Time, Uncanny X-Men from about 522, and Wolverine and the X-Men from issue 1 through 6 (roughly).  The timeline of these events is not exact.</p><p>**This is not meant to be any kind of character study or serious thing really.  I wrote it for fun; I don't even necessarily think the characters would act this way.  It's more just me playing around with the ideas surrounding this “what if” scenario (and of course tying it into an eventual Kurt/Kitty romance).  Kurt is way too grief-stricken, brooding, and introspective, but I was more just thinking about what might make him really give up the X-Men long enough to keep him from getting killed.  And I kind of just wanted to write something that started a little mopey and ended a little sexy.  :-)</p><p>My other point in playing around with this was to try to make Mara Keller out to be less of a questionable fangirl and more of an intelligent woman who has a hero because he saved her life, and who has dedicated her life to collecting and preserving artifacts that tell his story.  She came across in a bit of a negative light in Manifest Destiny, and I wanted to give her a little more agency here, and sort of...not redeem her, but take some of that negativity away from her.  I have no idea if I succeeded, but that was a goal.  Kurt's canon words to Mara as he kisses her are, “Now I have a fire we need to put out.”  I mean, if ever there was innuendo, I'd say that's it.<br/>Another note.  I really, really wanted there to be some sexy times at the end of this, and this story was being a jerk about it.  I basically had to force it in there.  So if you can tell it's forced, it's not my fault, it's the story's fault.  Blame it.  :-)</p><p>TW:   This contains elements of pregnancy/false pregnancy which might be unpleasant for some readers.  There will be another note at the top of that chapter as well as a mark in the story itself where the reader may choose to skip to the notes at the end where the chapter will be summarized.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mara Keller's apartment was a small space connected to the back of her museum, accessed through her office. Her bathroom had wallpaper with blue flowers on it, and was a tight fit for the two of them while she cleaned and bandaged his bullet wound. Her bed smelled like lavender and grapefruit and the mattress was too soft. So was Mara, in all the right places. Falling into bed with a woman who thought he was amazing and heroic after weeks of feeling increasingly <em>not</em> gave his ego a much-needed boost. Too bad it was temporary.</p><p>“I'm not stupid,” she said, startling him.</p><p>“What?” He turned to Mara, no longer stretched languidly beside him.</p><p>“You're trying to figure out how to leave without breaking my <em>poor</em>, <em>fragile</em> heart.”</p><p>All he could say was, “What?”</p><p>Forty minutes ago, she'd been gazing rapturously at him, smiling as she ran her hands through the fur on his chest, pressing him into the mattress. Now she looked like she wanted to smack him and throw him out on her front lawn. Had he expected anything else? She was his self-proclaimed biggest fan, and from the looks of the museum, she was correct. He'd kissed her, and swept her into his arms and never thought about the consequences, for either of them.</p><p>Kurt wasn't usually interested in one night stands. He'd had a few, but he preferred to mix sex and love, or at least affection. Mara pulled the covers around her as she sat up, the anger in her expression replaced by resignation. He tried frantically to come up with an explanation and an excuse that wasn't patronizing or insulting, but he had nothing.</p><p>“It's the super hero thing, right?” she said. “You have a big fight, the adrenaline gets pumping, you maybe get shot, and there's a girl.” She waved her hand at his injury and rolled her eyes. “I knew this would happen.”</p><p>He lowered his head, ashamed because she was right, and in spite of thinking he was so much more mature than some of his teammates, he was just as susceptible to temptation as they were.</p><p>“I'm so sorry,” he said. It felt entirely inadequate, but anything else was worse. Anything else was making excuses for choices he had made knowingly.</p><p>“I didn't go into this blind,” Mara said. “But you should still feel bad.”</p><p>She had completely flustered him. “I do—”</p><p>Mara swept her hair back and ignored him. “I'm not <em>delusional</em> either. It's not like I thought you'd fall in love with me.”</p><p>He coughed. “What?”</p><p>“<em>Did</em> you think I'd fall in love with you? Because I'm a fan?” She laughed and clasped her hands together, batting her eyelashes in false drama. “You thought I'd beg you to stay or tell you I'd do <em>anything</em> to keep you?” She threw her hands down onto the bed in annoyance. “I'm not crazy or pathetic just because I'm a scholar with glasses and a museum dedicated to her hero.”</p><p>He shifted in the bed to face her, hands out, pleading. He deserved her anger, but what she was saying wasn't true. He hadn't thought those things about her at all.</p><p>“Mara, I never—<em>never</em> thought you were crazy or pathetic. I also never thought you were in love with me.” He paused. “I have not been much of a hero lately.”</p><p>She sighed dramatically. “Oh, don't start <em>that</em>.”</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“The guilt thing.”</p><p>“I'm not—I don't—”</p><p>She pulled the sheets with her as she got out of the bed, gathering her clothes from the floor and heading for her bathroom. “Yes, you do. It's even in your bio.”</p><p>“My <em>bio</em>?”</p><p>He wanted to laugh, the situation had become so surreal. He'd gone to bed with his biggest fan, who had dedicated an entire museum to him, who knew as many facts about him as almost anyone, and she was now lecturing him about feeling guilty about sleeping with her.</p><p>“It's in the museum,” she said, her tone perfectly casual from behind the mostly-closed bathroom door. “Do I need to show you?”</p><p>“No thank you. Not right now.”</p><p>Mara came out, smoothing her skirt, and waved to the bathroom. He thanked her and went in, feeling sorry for himself and knowing he shouldn't. In the mirror, he examined the small spots of blood dotting the bandage on his shoulder, then craned his neck to see the one on his back. He was lucky the bullet had passed through cleanly, and luckier still that he hadn't lost too much blood.</p><p>Sleeping with Mara was the latest in a list of mistakes, some of which had led him to quit the X-Men and come to Germany. Now even that had become a mistake. He splashed water on his face and returned to Mara's room. She'd made the bed and was sitting on the side of it waiting for him. He stopped in the doorway.</p><p>“Mara...”</p><p>“I'll make breakfast, but you're on your own after that.”</p><p>“That is more than kind, and not necessary. But thank you.”</p><p>She huffed softly and looked at him. There was a hint of a smile on her face. “I'm not stupid,” she repeated. “And now I can say I slept with the Incredible Nightcrawler. Even Meggan can't say that.”</p><p>Suddenly he felt a lot less sure of himself, and looked at Mara with newfound uncertainty. She wasn't the naive, bookish young woman he'd marked her as when he arrived. He found himself smiling.</p><p>“Don't think this gets you off the hook,” she said as she settled her glasses on her nose and left the room.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Kurt told himself he was staying in Winzeldorf because it was time he did something about the hate and bigotry in his hometown. Mara was right to call the people xenophobic. If he could do something to change their minds, maybe it would give his life the purpose it currently lacked. He decided <em>that</em> was what he needed, a new focus and intention. If he'd returned to Winzeldorf sooner, maybe he could have saved Henrik, the young boy turned creature whose body lay rotting in the woods while his soul belonged to Mephisto. If Kurt had been here, Henrik might have lived.</p><p>When he left Mara's after breakfast, he spent some time wandering the streets of what passed for his hometown, recalling occasions from his past and imagining how he might have done things differently. Would things have played out differently if he hadn't killed Stephan? If he had escaped the mob chasing him? If he had never left the circus? Would things be different now?</p><p>He found an apartment in the one building that would rent to him, and while it was small and cramped, it was also furnished. It was drafty in one corner, had three floorboards so worn he was afraid to step on them lest they crack and drop his leg through. The heat worked, but there seemed no middle ground between freezing and roasting. He had a mini fridge, which was all he needed, and a dingy window that wouldn't come clean but overlooked the square and the fountain where his brother had died. If he opened the window, he could hear the wind in the trees and the sounds of people passing by on the street.</p><p>The apartment came with a metal bed frame and a mattress that looked surprisingly new, as well as a table but no chair, the fridge, and a combination washer-dryer that held one outfit's worth of clothing. Small even for European standards<a class="sdfootnoteanc" href="#sdfootnote1sym" id="sdfootnote1anc" name="sdfootnote1anc"><sup>1</sup></a>. There were a few drawers built into a unit that ran the length of the window wall, and he filled two with the clothes he brought. He sat down on the little bed and looked around. The overhead light was dim and yellow, and did almost nothing to illuminate the space, small as it was.</p><p>“Bigger than our circus camper,” he said aloud, just to hear a voice. It felt lonelier when no one answered back.</p><p>He made arrangements with Scott to have more of his things sent over, clothes and some personal items.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Scott said.</p><p>“I am. I will return at some point, but I do not know when. I am needed here now.”</p><p>“I'm keeping you on the roster. Come back anytime.”</p><p>“Thank you, Scott.”</p><p>Kurt started to hang up, but Scott interjected. “Kurt, are you <em>sure</em> there's nothing I can do to get you back here sooner?”</p><p>He could only think of one thing, and as far as he knew, Scott couldn't raise the dead. “No, there is nothing.”</p><p>Weeks ago, when Kurt received the invitation to the Grand Opening of the Nightcrawler Museum, it had felt like fate. He'd been unhappy lately, both with his work on the team and with himself in general. Coming back to Winzeldorf felt like closing up a circle, even if his reception wasn't entirely welcome. He meant what he said to Scott. He needed to be here, in Germany, walking roads that did not hold the kind of memories that haunted him back in New York. Because the truth of it, which he could only admit to himself in rare moments of liquor-induced honesty, was that his place on the team wasn't the problem.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>A week after his affair with Mara, he ran into her in a sandwich shop. Instead of the awkward confrontation he expected, she chatted amiably and asked to see his new apartment. He was a little embarrassed at its state, though it was as clean as he could make it. She stood inside the doorway and eyed the place.</p><p>“This is a dump. Couldn't you find anything nicer? You're an X-Man after all.”</p><p>“Not here. Here, I am only the freak who escaped twice.”</p><p>Mara ran her finger along the dirty windowsill. “I never thought you were a freak.”</p><p>“It seems you are the only one.”</p><p>She leveled her gaze at him and stood up. “Why are you staying here?”</p><p>Kurt wanted to sit, but his bed was the only place, and he was afraid it would give her the wrong idea. He couldn't make that mistake again. He remained where he was, leaning against the wall.</p><p>“It was the only apartment available to me.”</p><p>“Right. Why are you staying in Winzeldorf then, when no one wants you?”</p><p>Kurt pressed his lips thin, folded his arms. Put that way, it was a good question. “It was time for a break.” The pain of being rejected by his countrymen hurt less than the pain waiting for him in San Francisco, where the team was currently based. He had no burning desire to return there, or to New York.</p><p>“Don't you want to be an X-Man anymore?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said, surprising himself. “But currently, I am on leave. A sabbatical.”</p><p>He picked at a piece of the chipped countertop. Across the room, Mara scuffed her foot on the wooden floor, knocking dust into the cracks. She was right. The place was practically rotting out from under him.</p><p>“I never expected you to come here,” Mara said, still not looking up. “When you showed up the other day, I couldn't believe it. And then you <em>kissed</em> me...”</p><p>Kurt's shoulders fell and he held out his hands. “I will always be sorry for that...”</p><p>She made a disgusted sound. “Right, because kissing me was awful.”</p><p>“No, of course not,” he said, frowning at her. He didn't enjoy games. “You know exactly what I mean.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I think I'm entitled to a few digs.”</p><p>Kurt crossed his arms, and Mara looked away. “Get to the point, Mara.”</p><p>“The point is, you could have had anyone you wanted, but you kissed <em>me</em>. And then I realized it was just because I was <em>there</em>. And then I decided I didn't care.”</p><p>“Mara, I don't understand. Are you asking something or just insulting me?”</p><p>She sighed. “I've spent <em>years</em> reading every article about you. I know more about you than probably any other stranger on the planet. You've never quit the team before. Have you?”</p><p>“I've explained it is not permanent.”</p><p>“You really don't like to talk about yourself, do you?”</p><p>“No, I do not. Particularly not to—people I haven't known very long.”</p><p>She scuffed her foot on the floor again and adjusted her glasses. “What are you going to do in Winzeldorf until you go back?”</p><p>“I thought I would make an effort to change some mindsets.”</p><p>She laughed. “Good luck with that!” Kurt let himself laugh, too, and Mara headed for the door. “Thanks for the visit.” She stopped just before he shut the door. “Did you ever get to look around the museum?”</p><p>“No, not much.”</p><p>“Stop by anytime.” She held her hand out and waited for him. He shook her hand tentatively, feeling foolish.</p><p>“Thank you. I will.” She was halfway down the stairs when he went after her. “Perhaps I could take a look around now?”</p><p>She turned, gripping the handrail as she back at him. “Sure. But one thing you should know first. I'm capable of making decisions. I could have said <em>no</em> to you.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>She'd cleaned up a lot since Henrik had crashed through the ceiling. It was still tarped over, awaiting construction, but most of the displays had been replaced, even if some of the glass was missing.</p><p>The Widget portal was intact, and Kurt was able to ask the most important question. “Is this a replica?”</p><p>“Oh, yes. I don't want to get lost in some other world,” Mara said as she poured a cup of coffee behind the reception desk. “Want a cup?”</p><p>“If you do, be sure to take friends along. Yes, please.”</p><p>“Right, and try not to lose anyone along the way,” she said with a laugh Kurt didn't join.</p><p>“I didn't lose her.”</p><p>“Hm? Oh, I know that,” she said, still not realizing how annoyed he was. “I know the whole story, about Jamie Braddock and St. Searle's and—”</p><p>“Thank you for the coffee,” he said, reaching for it. “Where did you get a sentinel head?”</p><p>“Government auction. You can get all kinds of things there. I saw it advertised and got it for a steal. No one else wanted it because it doesn't work.”</p><p>He looked up, grateful she'd taken the diversion and changed the subject. The sentinel head was attached to the metal girders along the side of the building, not the fragile ceiling with its busted stained glass. Kurt walked under it, away from the Widget portal, with its bulging eyes following him, its metal mouth caught in an eternal smile Kurt couldn't return. His chest felt constricted, and he took his coat off, knowing it wouldn't help. The problem wasn't physical.</p><p>He hung the coat on a rack of hooks by the door and started on that side of the room, peering into displays and cabinets and looking at all the photos on the wall. They were all publicly available, many of them from his days in the circus. She had other replicas, too, of swords he'd used, old uniforms, even parts of the Cerebro he'd tried to construct on Muir Island one time. She had the place organized as a timeline, with sections dedicated to his childhood, his circus days, the X-Men, Excalibur, and again, the X-Men. The back wall was a collage of team portraits, the kind Professor Xavier liked to take, which tradition Kurt had continued during his time in England.</p><p>Looking back on himself as a much younger man, his friends younger as well and some no longer alive, he once again considered that he should have done some things differently. If he'd been there for them or made better choices, perhaps so many would not be missing now. He turned away and almost walked into Mara.</p><p>She stepped back with a laugh. “Sorry! I brought your coffee. You left it on the counter.”</p><p>He accepted and apologized, and took a long swallow. It was too dark, but still hot, and that was good enough for the moment. He needed to clear his head. What was supposed to be an escape from loss was becoming a mire. He sank onto a bench in the center of the room, under the sentinel head. Mara stood nearby, nervously shifting from foot to foot.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>He took another long sip of the coffee before he answered. “No.”</p><p>She looked surprised at his answer, patting her skirt down before she spoke again. “Is there anything I can do?”</p><p>“No. Thank you. It is personal.”</p><p>A sudden memory hit him, those same words spoken more sharply than necessary. How he regretted that moment, wished he'd spoken more gently. If he could go back, though, he wouldn't have made a different decision. Even if he had, it wouldn't have made any difference to the present. Would it?</p><p>He sat up and took a few deep breaths, a few more sips of coffee.</p><p>“The museum is incredible, Mara. Truly. I wish I could have seen more of it before Henrik did so much damage. But you've already restored so much.” He tipped the coffee cup at her in thanks. “Would you like some more photos? I have some I could share.”</p><p>Her face lit up. “Really? You'd do that?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Of course.”</p><p>She bounced to her feet, practically clapping her hands in excitement. “I'll give you my online account, where I've had them all printed out and you can upload them directly. Or you can send them to me, and I'll do it.”</p><p>“They are hard copies. I will bring them to you soon. Will you be able to make copies?”</p><p>“Yes, that's easy. Thank you.”</p><p>She looked completely delighted. He wished he had not been in such a hurry to use her to drown his sorrows. Kurt rose from the bench and started for the door, skipping the second half of the museum. He had to get outside and away from the memories. <em>Another poor decision</em>, he thought. He'd come to Germany to get away from memories and found himself instead surrounded by them.</p><p>Leaving the team hadn't helped at all. His ghosts had followed him.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p class="sdfootnote"><a class="sdfootnotesym" href="#sdfootnote1anc" id="sdfootnote1sym" name="sdfootnote1sym">1</a>Everything I know about European washing machines comes from television. I doubt it's true, but pretend, for the sake of the story. It makes his apartment sound crappy. :-)</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. San Francisco</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kurt faces his grief, then gets a big shock.  Or three.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt flipped through a crinkly-paged photo album in the dark of his apartment. While the darkness made him feel more isolated, it was preferable to the odd shadows the cheap overhead bulb made. Another box of his things had arrived that day, and among the items inside were his photo albums. He rarely looked at them and wasn't sure why he'd asked Scott to send them, but they were here. He'd promised Mara more pictures and he wouldn't go back on his word to her. That, at least, he could do. Perhaps that was what he wanted, to be forced to remember. After all, he'd offered the photos to her.</p><p>The first book was full of pictures from the Winzeldorf circus and his earliest days with the X-Men. He'd been so young. He almost laughed at how skinny and gawky he looked. He chose a few images and started a pile beside him, adding to it as he turned the pages. Another group shot from his first visit to the mansion in Salem Center, one of his family, one of him posing with the aerial troupe. Those had been his last carefree days, flying through the air as audiences cheered and gasped and applauded.</p><p>He knew exactly what was in the second album, and he didn't want to open it. He ran his hand over the cover a long time before opening it halfway. He eyed the third album and debating skipping this one altogether. He didn't have to face what was inside. He could keep running and pretending. Too bad that tactic wasn't working for him, and rarely did. If it had, he might have tossed the album aside and continued trying to suppress the memories and the pain that came with them. But it wasn't working, not even a little. He opened the album.</p><p>The first page was a photo Moira MacTaggert had taken the first day he was awake and alert after he'd been in a coma for months. Kitty was poised beside him on the bed, her arms around his neck, smiling like she was happier than anything else could make her, all because he was awake. Of course, part of that, he reminded himself, was that they were the last X-Men standing, and she'd been alone all those months he was unconscious, to hear the news of the X-Men dying in Dallas. He remembered Moira taking the picture. He hadn't wanted her to, but Kitty was so happy and had asked so sweetly, he couldn't say no. Her grip on his neck had been too tight, and her knee had dug into a spot on his side that twinged with pain, but he hadn't said a word. It took so much effort for her to be tangible enough to hurt him. He couldn't bear to upset her.</p><p>He didn't pull that photo for Mara.</p><p>There were publicity shots and team shots and some casual portraits Meggan had taken of each of them. One Christmas, Brian gave her a camera, and she'd become a kind of unofficial photographer for the team for a while. It was why Kurt had so many pictures from those years. He was glad for that, but it also meant being faced with more memories. Maybe he wasn't ready yet.</p><p>He closed the album, one thick finger marking his place while he decided what to do. He could go for a midnight walk. He could practice flips in the courtyard or call Logan. It was only mid-afternoon in San Francisco.</p><p>No. It was time to face the truth. Past time.</p><p>The next two pages were of the housewarming party at Braddock Manor, before Sat-Yr-9 revealed herself and ruined it. They'd all dressed up, even crabby old Dai Thomas. Betsy had been there, and Cerise—she'd been confused about kissing and used Kurt as her test subject. He managed a smile at that memory, then turned the next page and caught his breath. He had completely forgotten about this one. It was from Brian and Meggan's wedding, one of the only dances he and Kitty managed all night, between fending off jealous ex-girlfriends and trying to make sure the Technet didn't start a fight. She had her head on his shoulder and her eyes closed. He could still feel her in his arms, wearily letting him lead them in a slow, swaying circle. His heart ached at her loss, and the image turned blurry. He rubbed his eyes and forced himself to turn the page.</p><p>More wedding photos— the speeches at dinner and the bouquet toss and the botched garter toss. After the disaster of forcing Kitty into the bouquet-lusting crowd, he'd planned to catch the garter and cheer her up by letting her put it on him instead. Unfortunately, Lockheed had ruined his plan, snatching the garter out of his hand and giving it to Piotr instead. Kurt had never wanted to strangle a dragon as badly as he had in that moment. He flipped the page again, annoyed at least, instead of sad.</p><p>Most of the pictures were group shots, but now and then he came across one that left new bruises on his heart. There was Pete Wisdom looking into Kitty's smiling, upturned face. She had her hand on his chest in that endearing habit he'd once thought was reserved only for him. There was a photo of her with Piotr on the cruise the three of them took on their way home to New York after Excalibur disbanded. He had taken that picture himself, and he remembered thinking she was definitely going to get back together with Piotr. He'd been right.</p><p>Finally the Excalibur photos became X-Men photos, and fewer of them were painful. He set a few more aside for Mara to copy and finally replaced the albums on the shelf. He lay down in his cold bed and let grief have its way. He'd lost people before, Jean, a few other teammates, his brother Stephan. He remembered the numbness mixed with pain in the days that followed each death, but he didn't remember the pain being so <em>physical</em>. He curled onto his side, stomach twisted in tight knots he could not massage away. His head pounded and his back ached. He felt incapable of anything but gasping for breath between sobs. This was why he'd left the team. This was what he was running from. This agonizing truth.</p><p>Kitty was dead.</p><p>
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</p><p>He had not gone to Breakworld with her and Piotr and the others. Rather, he had not been among those forcibly taken to Breakworld by Abigail Brand. If he'd been there, could he have stopped her? Could he have <em>saved</em> her? Gone with her into the bullet and teleported her out when their work was done? Or would he simply have died beside her? He thought either option sounded better than the nightmare he was living through now. He couldn't remember the last thing he'd said to her. Something in passing, probably. It didn't matter now.</p><p>It was no comfort knowing she'd saved the Earth, though it should have been. He knew they'd stopped an alien genocide and that if she hadn't phased into that bullet, believing it was a missile she could disarm, he would be dead, and she and the handful of X-Men on Breakworld would be all that was left of the human race. It didn't make him feel any better.</p><p>When he could, he rolled off the bed and drank a glass of water and went to the window, pushing it open to the cold night air. Then, because it was closer to her, he teleported to the roof to stare up at the sky and imagine he could see her bullet. He hadn't done that in a long time, since he'd given up hope of her return. His eyes and head ached from crying, and he told himself he felt better, because he was supposed to. He leaned back on the roof and replayed the day the team was told of Kitty's fate.</p><p>He remembered how matter-of-fact Scott had been. Kurt knew it was for the benefit of the team, and that inside he was probably as upset as any of them. Emma, beside him, had said nothing while Scott explained they'd tried everything they could think of, and nothing had worked. Kitty had been gone so long by then, it wasn't possible for her to still be alive. They were not going to try anymore. Even in that moment, it hadn't felt real. Some part of him refused to believe she could truly be gone.</p><p>Everyone had comforted Piotr, including Kurt. Logan did his best to get blackout drunk and failed, thanks to his healing factor. Hisako, one of the younger students who had wound up on the planet with them, had gotten him off the floor with the offer of a fight. Later, Kurt and Logan took Piotr on a train ride through Europe, via Germany—where Kurt had never taken Kitty, not even once—and finally into Russia, to Piotr's homeland. In a bar over plenty of drinks, Logan encouraged Piotr to talk about her, and Kurt could only go along with it.</p><p>No one asked Kurt how he felt, and if they had, he would have said he was fine. Handling it. They didn't need anyone else on the team falling apart. He woke one day realizing it had been weeks since her loss, and the visceral sense that she was not going to return had landed squarely on his chest. She wasn't out of town, or on another planet, or lost in the sidereal stream. She was dead. He had stumbled to the bathroom and cried over his bathroom sink. That was the first moment he considered leaving. Days of trying to work through his grief, in the Danger Room or at the bar, had done nothing for him. Seeing Piotr in the halls made him irrationally angry, and he knew he was being unfair to his team. Days later, the invitation arrived, and it became his salvation.</p><p>
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</p><p>He brought the photos to Mara the next day and finished walking through the museum. He might have slept an hour or two if he was lucky, but it didn't feel like he'd rested at all. He avoided the photos of Kitty when he could, then changed his mind and forced himself to see her. He didn't want to remove her from his life or his memories. It was only that it hurt so much. He'd have to learn to manage it. Hadn't he found a way to manage the loss of Stephan and Jean and even <em>all</em> the X-Men? But he'd had Kitty for that. A lump rose in his throat at the memory of how strong she'd been during those bleak days, and how she'd shaken him from his despair when it threatened to overwhelm him. He ran a hand through his hair and gave a sharp tug to focus himself. If Mara noticed anything, she didn't bring it up. She stood behind the reception desk scanning the photos.</p><p>Kurt walked over and leaned on the counter. There hadn't been a single person in the museum on any of his visits. She must be so discouraged. Maybe he could find a way to help, and maybe, in doing so, give himself a new purpose for a while.</p><p>“Do you have many visitors?”</p><p>“Not really,” she admitted. Her voice was softer today. Maybe she had noticed his dour mood after all. Or maybe she was just hoping he'd keep her supplied with Nightcrawler memorabilia.</p><p>“Would you consider working with me?”</p><p>“I can't pay you.”</p><p>“I'm not looking for a salary. I need to do something different for a while. I need to make a difference. Being back here, seeing that nothing has changed in these people since I left...I want to do something.”</p><p>“Like what?” She was still scanning photos, but she glanced over her shoulder. He took one of the brochures from the little plastic stand on the counter.</p><p>“What do you think about classes? Or outreach of some kind? Perhaps guided tours with lessons?”</p><p>She paused and turned around all the way. “Who'd give the tours?”</p><p>“Me. At first. Not permanently.”</p><p>She thought about it, turned back to the scanner. “I don't know. I like the idea, but no one around here likes <em>you</em>.”</p><p>A corner of his mouth twitched. “I noticed. Tell me, Mara, why did you build the museum here?”</p><p>“It was your hometown. It seemed like the logical place. And the building was cheap.”</p><p>“If I can come up with something viable, some way to increase traffic to the museum, would you consider working with me?”</p><p>She smiled over her shoulder. “I'd be happy to.”</p><p>
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</p><p>He was still looking over the museum brochure, thinking about how to encourage people to visit the museum, when his phone rang. It was Scott, probably calling to beg him to come back. Probably some new and transcendent disaster was looming and they needed his teleportation or a pilot for the Blackbird. He prepared his speech to turn Scott down yet again.</p><p><em>I'm done fighting for now. I want to help the world a different way, without violence. I am not ready to return</em>.</p><p>“You have to come back,” Scott said, a desperation in his voice Kurt rarely heard.</p><p>“Scott, I appreciate that you—”</p><p>“It's Kitty.”</p><p>Static on the line penetrated his brain slowly. His heart was too slow, it was going to stop. His mouth had gone dry and he clamped his hand on the edge of the counter.</p><p>“What?” he managed.</p><p>“It's Magneto. He's...somehow he's bringing her back.”</p><p>Kurt's hand holding the phone shook. He couldn't seem to stop shaking, and he gripped the counter so hard his blue knuckles were almost white.</p><p>“I—when? How long?”</p><p>“We don't know. Should I send someone for you?”</p><p>“Yes. Yes, please do that.” His throat was so dry, the words only rasped out. He hoped Scott could hear him.</p><p>He handed the phone to Mara. Her eyes were round behind her glasses and her lower lip hung open slightly. Kurt stumbled to the bench under the sentinel head and sat down hard, flexing his trembling hands. He stared at his tail, lying still between his feet, as if he'd never seen it before.</p><p>Mara's shoes came into view just past his feet.</p><p>“Kurt? What's wrong?” she said.</p><p>He tried to focus on her shoes, black knee-high boots with modest heels and scuffs on the toes. They weren't new, he realized, and it looked like she'd used a permanent marker to hide the scuffs. It suddenly felt very important, this detail about Mara's shoes. He thought about them until he could speak clearly enough to be heard.</p><p>“Magneto is bringing Kitty's bullet back to Earth.”</p><p>He didn't bother explaining. If Mara didn't know what he was talking about, he didn't care. She'd find out soon enough. If she did know, then he didn't need to say anything. She didn't ask questions but she pressed the phone into his hand, closing the other over it so he wouldn't drop it.</p><p>“This is yours. Stay here. I'll be right back.”</p><p>He didn't think he could get up anyway. His heart hammered in his chest and his vision was blurry now. He shoved the phone into his coat pocket and braced his elbows on his knees, his head hanging between them. Passing out in the museum would be the final straw for his already damaged reputation as a hero.</p><p>Kitty's body was coming home. Magneto, of all people, was bringing it back. It was fitting, he thought, that one of her Jewish siblings should be the one to bring her back to Earth. Now she could be buried. At least now her mother would have closure, and he could pay his respects. Maybe he could finally tell her all the things he'd kept from her, about his family and his past and his heart. Now that she could not answer him.</p><p>Mara returned with a cup of water, an orange, and a roll of Life Savers.</p><p>“Drink this,” she said as she handed him the water. She pressed the orange and the candy into his other hand.</p><p>He sipped it and fumbled with the roll of candy until she took it and opened it for him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“I thought you were going to pass out,” she said.</p><p>“So did I.”</p><p>She sat down beside him while he sucked on the Life Saver. “Will you be all right?”</p><p>He nodded. “I feel better, thank you. Scott is sending someone for me. There will be a funeral.”</p><p>“Should I watch your apartment for you?”</p><p>“Yes, please. I would appreciate that. Mara...” He clenched his fist to keep from reaching for her. “I am truly sorry for behaving as I did when we met. You have humbled me, and...” He realized he was only half speaking to Mara.</p><p>“I'm sorry about your friend,” she said. “She must have been someone very special.”</p><p>He nodded again and thanked her again, and finally made his way out of the museum to his apartment. He walked, letting the bitter cold German air bite at his face and hands.</p><p>
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</p><p>He had to meet the Blackbird outside of the town itself, and he walked there, too. He'd recovered from the initial shock, blaming his reaction on lack of sleep and bitter grieving the night before. To have finally faced the loss of her and learn her body was finally being recovered only the next day had been the reason for his weakness. It could be nothing else.</p><p>Logan looked as he always did, slightly unkempt in the face, needing a shave. They hugged, old friends, and Kurt tossed his small bag into one of the lockers in back. After the expected round of questions about Kurt's return, Logan dropped it. The man understood the need to get away now and then, and once Kurt had explained his reasons, there was no need to push.</p><p>Instead, Logan talked about Scott. How he was running ragged, trying to hide the bullet from human detection to avoid a global panic, trying to save Magneto, who was apparently dying from the exertion of bringing an enormous bullet back from so far away. All the while Scott was as shocked as anyone that it was happening.</p><p>“You shoulda seen his face when Reed Richards called.”</p><p>“He spotted the bullet, of course.”</p><p>“No shit. Can't hide anything from him. Guy's nosy as they come.”</p><p>“I assume Scott explained the reason for hiding it.”</p><p>“Richards got all pompous with his <em>you shoulda just told us</em> shit and then dropped that bomb on him like it was a gift.”</p><p>“Bomb?”</p><p>“About her bein' alive.”</p><p>All the air went out of Kurt's lungs and he froze, his eyes locked on the controls in front of him. Logan actually took a hand off the jet controls to clap his back.</p><p>“You okay there Elf?”</p><p>He turned slowly and stared at Logan. He was past the point of reacting to anything, overwhelmed with grief and shock and now more shocking news.</p><p>“She's alive?” His voice was shredded.</p><p>“Yeah. Sorry, bub, I thought he told you.”</p><p>“No. No, he didn't.” He inhaled again, exhaled slowly. He couldn't let himself believe it was true. If he dared hope, and Richards was wrong, he didn't know how he would take it. It would be losing her twice. And yet, he felt the hope already rising, even as he continued to question Logan about it.</p><p>“Are they <em>sure</em>?”</p><p>“It's Reed Richards. I'm pretty sure he's sure.”</p><p>“Still...he <em>could</em> be wrong.”</p><p>“Could be.” Logan put his hand back on the controls as they began their descent. “You okay?”</p><p>Kurt looked out the window at the sky. “I honestly do not know.”</p><p>“She's still too far away.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He didn't tell Logan she always had been.</p><p>He wondered if she'd be conscious. If she'd be healthy. If she'd have any memory of her time in the bullet or of them or of anything else. She could be in a coma. She could be... He took a shuddering breath and folded his hands and prayed.</p><p>
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</p><p>Magneto was in poor shape, his nose bleeding, his breath labored. Cecelia Reyes was there, but Erik had put in place some kind of force field to keep anyone from touching him. All Cecelia could do was pace and fret. Night fell and those gathered built a fire and watched the sky. It took too long, each minute easily an hour.</p><p>Kurt's teammates were relatively quiet, though they had all greeted him with hugs and hand shakes and smiles. He returned them all, like a robot, nothing but turmoil inside. He found Piotr, standing motionless near the fire, staring at the sky. The familiar knowledge that however much Kurt loved Kitty, it didn't matter because she loved Piotr and always would. That grounded him at last, and the fluttering inside began to ease, returning to the dull ache he was accustomed to. He told himself the likelihood of her being conscious was slim. The likelihood of her being brain dead was good. “Alive” was a broad term, and he braced for the worst possibility of it. Logan joined him and Piotr, tipping his head up, holding his hat in place with one hand while he smoked a cigar.</p><p>And then she was there, illuminating the sky. Kurt had a sudden heart-stopping moment of fear at the thought of her burning up in atmosphere, but Magneto seemed to have calculated for that, too. Blinding light tore the sky, forcing them all to look away, and then she was there. Curled on her side, her hair drifting loosely, her hands pillowing her cheek. She floated in the sky like a feather, floated softly down to rest on the ground in the center of all of them.</p><p>Magneto collapsed but only Cecelia seemed to notice as she leaped to his side. The rest of them were focused on Kitty, lying motionless on the ground. Piotr was frozen for a second as the last of the metal around her fell away. Then she moved, and he took a shaky step forward. She sat up, looked around, smiled at them. Kurt felt tears streaming down his cheeks, but Piotr was going to her, arms out, and Kitty was reaching for him. She passed through him, tried again and again and again. She couldn't speak, either, and Kurt watched the rising panic in her face as she looked around at all of them, one hand at her throat, struggling to come back to them.</p><p>Kurt didn't know how he wound up on his knees on the ground, but he was there, overcome with relief and new fear. Cecelia Reyes and Piotr managed to lead her away from the group. How she was able to stand and walk, Kurt didn't know. She'd been in the bullet for months without food or water. She should have been a shriveled corpse, but she looked as alive and well as the last time he'd seen her.</p><p>They took her to the infirmary and immediately transferred her to the lab, where she was placed in a medical containment unit to keep her from discorporating. It reminded Kurt of the bullet she'd been trapped in, and he wondered if she thought the same thing. Years ago, when he'd been in the coma, Kitty had been in another one of these cylinders, discorporating at an alarming rate. If not for Victor Von Doom, she would have died then. How different Kurt's life would have been if she had not been waiting for him when he woke.</p><p>
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</p><p>While the team dealt with Kitty's phased state, Logan found Kurt a room to stay in and then forced him to join him for a meal.</p><p>“Ain't nothing' we can do right now but stay outta the way and let the experts work. They got her back last time, they'll do it again.”</p><p>“Doom did it,” Kurt said softly, picking at his food.</p><p>Logan shrugged. “So this time <em>we</em> will.”</p><p>“She told me once, how Reed Richards tried, and Dr. Strange and Hank and everyone. No one could stop it. She was so discouraged she almost gave up.”</p><p>Logan scowled. “Kitty don't give up.”</p><p>“Franklin helped her,” Kurt continued. “In his dream state, he found her and convinced her to wait a little longer. She was going to let herself dissipate into the sky.”</p><p>“She's got Piotr now. She won't give up,” Logan said.</p><p>“I never said she would.”</p><p>“You are.”</p><p>“I am only being realistic. They may not be able to reverse it.”</p><p>“She's back ten minutes and you're sealin' her fate already. The hell's wrong with you?”</p><p>He shook his head. “Nothing.”</p><p>Kurt wondered if being alone so much lately was getting to him. He wanted to run away again, abandon Logan in the kitchen and retreat into solitude.</p><p>“Bullshit,” Logan said as he pulled a beer out of the refrigerator. “Have one.”</p><p>“No thanks,” Kurt said. He stood up and walked to the window that overlooked the sea. Behind him, Logan opened the beer and took a long swallow. Below him, outside, teammates moved here and there, people he didn't know passed by. He turned around and looked Logan in the eye. “I'm going to the lab.” He didn't want to be alone, he wanted to see Kitty.</p><p> </p><p>Kurt stood across the room from the containment unit, Piotr's hands pressed to the small pane of glass where she peered out. He wondered if she was as scared now as she admitted to having being years ago. When she told him about it, she tried to make it sound like no big deal, but she couldn't hide the truth when she told him she'd considered giving up. Perhaps that was how she'd known what Kurt was doing in the holo-gym that day she saved him years ago in Scotland.</p><p>Logan came into the lab and stood beside Kurt, folding his arms across his chest. “What a blow, huh? Finally gets with the guy and now she can't touch him.”</p><p>Kurt raised a brow. “<em>Ja</em>, I am sure it must be frustrating.”</p><p>Logan huffed. “Think they're pretty serious this time.”</p><p>“She has always loved him.”</p><p>It was a while before Logan said, “Yeah.”</p><p>“You don't agree?”</p><p>“Never said that.”</p><p>“You didn't have to.”</p><p>“I ain't saying anything, Elf. Ain't my place.”</p><p>Kurt studied the way Logan's jaw clicked as he patted his pockets searching for a cigar. He found one, didn't light up, but stuck it in his mouth just the same. Kurt turned back to the cylinder. Kitty was watching Piotr's face seriously, but then her eyes began to wander. She saw him, her eyes locked on his and she smiled—the warmest, most beautiful smile in the world—and motioned him over.</p><p>Piotr stepped aside, somewhat reluctantly, Kurt thought, as he and Logan replaced his face at her window.</p><p>“Emma's telepathy is the only way to speak to her,” Piotr said.</p><p>“<em>Danke, mein Freund</em>,” Kurt said, patting Piotr's arm companionably. “How are you doing?”</p><p>“I am better now,” Piotr said. “Thank you.”</p><p>Kurt had no intention of using Emma Frost to funnel his thoughts to Kitty. Logan tipped his hat at her, and she smiled. He made a few hand motions, mouthed some words of pride and happiness at her return, and stepped over to Piotr. While they talked, Kurt took Logan's spot at the window, pressing his palm against a corner of the glass. Kitty placed hers as close as she could, spacing her fingers apart the way she did when she held his hand. He dropped his head against the window.</p><p>“I'm okay,” she seemed to be saying, then pointed at him. Asking if he was all right.</p><p>He nodded and she cocked her head in that way she had. She knew he was lying, and he actually smiled. He reached back for Logan's arm, not wanting to take his eyes off her face.</p><p>“Could you bring me a piece of paper and a pen?”</p><p>“What am I? Yer butler?”</p><p>“No, you are my friend.”</p><p>Logan grunted and went to find the requested items. He thrust a pad of paper and a pen at him, and Kurt thanked him. He'd buy him a beer later, but for now, he wrote.</p><p>“I am okay. Better. I missed you.” He held it up to the window and he watched her lips form her response.</p><p>“Me, too.”</p><p>There was so much he wanted to tell her—about quitting the team, about the museum—and so much he wanted to ask her—about the bullet, and her thoughts, and Breakworld, and Piotr. There was so much of everything, but this was not the place or time for it, so he settled for rubbing his hand against the glass and pretending it was her.</p><p>Piotr's hand came to rest on his shoulder, and Kurt stepped away, leaving her with one more note. “I'll come back tomorrow.”</p><p>She nodded and watched him, her hand still on the window, as he waved over his shoulder at her. Then Piotr's frame filled the window and Kurt turned away at last.</p><p>
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</p><p>When he and Logan left the lab, Scott was waiting in the hall. “Kurt. Let's talk.”</p><p>“ Scott, I cannot thank you enough for contacting me, but I am not staying. Nothing has changed.”</p><p>“Dammit, Elf, I know you gotta go find yourself or whatever, but do it later. We need you,” Logan said. So much for understanding the need to get away.</p><p>Scott agreed. “We <em>really</em> need you, Kurt.”</p><p>“No, <em>meine Freunde</em>, you do not.”</p><p>Scott and Logan exchanged a glance over Kurt's shoulder that he didn't miss. He shook his head and stopped walking.</p><p>“I have told you, Scott. I am not needed here. You have Pixie and Illyana for teleporters. I am not contributing anything to the team right now.”</p><p>Scott started to respond, but Logan cut him off. “Let's have a beer, Elf.”</p><p>He suspected Logan would keep trying to convince him to stay, but Kurt wanted a beer, and he wanted to walk away from the room where Piotr couldn't seem to take his eyes off Kitty. Logan had a new favorite bar, as sketchy on the outside as Harry's Hideaway had been, and just as loud and dim on the inside. But no one gave him a second glance, even without an image inducer, so Kurt decided the place was all right.</p><p>Three beers later, Logan finally made his pitch.</p><p>“Pixie ain't trained and Illyana's unstable. They been keeping her in a cell. We need you back.”</p><p>“You don't.”</p><p>“Fuck it, <em>I</em> need you back. I need a teammate in the field I trust. Scott's doing his best, and he's...”</p><p>“Surprised you?”</p><p>“Yeah. But things are still touchy between us. Piotr's all googly eyes at Kitty right now. I need backup out there.”</p><p>Kurt looked down at his beer. He understood Logan's point. It was a <em>good</em> point, even, but it neglected one important thing. Kurt didn't want to be here.</p><p>“I don't want to be here right now, Logan. And you know that means I am not the teammate you need in the field right now.”</p><p>He sighed, and Kurt felt bad for refusing him. Logan was, after all, one of his best friends.</p><p>“Is this about Kitty?”</p><p>Kurt looked up too fast. “No.”</p><p>“So it <em>is</em> about her.”</p><p>Kurt swallowed. Trying to lie to Logan was like trying to pick a lock. It required patience and skill and some confidence. “We were very close at one time. Her loss was difficult for me. But no. This is not about her.”</p><p>Logan stared him down, and Kurt held his gaze. Finally Logan chugged the last half of his beer and conceded.</p><p>“Fine. But whatever this is about, you better get over it soon. We got problems comin' our way and we need you. Not just because you can teleport. We need you because we trust you. Everyone here trusts you.”</p><p>Kurt took a long sip of his beer before he answered. “I don't.”</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Utopia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Something good isn't enough.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room Logan had given Kurt was easily twice the size of his apartment in Germany, with hardwood floors and a dark burgundy carpet covering most of the space. The closet was a walk-in large enough to fit all his furniture from Winzeldorf. Kurt took a few minutes to slowly explore the space and try to get his racing thoughts under control. Kitty was alive, and aside from being stuck in her intangible state and unable to speak, she seemed fine. She also seemed to be very much in love with Piotr, who seemed to be as much in love with her as he ever did.</p><p>Nothing had changed in that regard, for her or Piotr or for himself. He would continue to love her in secret, and she would continue to love Piotr in public and there was nothing he could do about that. Confessing his feelings for her would only make everything harder for her, and probably cost him her friendship, so he'd never take that risk. He could only do what he'd done since he'd fallen for her, suffer in silence and be grateful for her friendship.</p><p>When he was flying from Germany to New York with Logan, and learned she was alive, among his rambling thoughts was the idea that if she was alive, maybe he'd come back to the team. He could be around her again and see her, at least some of the time. They hadn't spent that much time together over the past year, seeming always to be on different missions or in different cities. His feelings for her should have waned, but here he was, pacing a guest room in San Francisco trying to decide the future of his life based on how he imagined she felt about him. It was idiocy.</p><p>In frustration, he made a decision and grabbed the same notepad Logan had found him earlier. He wrote out a long message to her, explaining where he'd been and where he was going to be. It would be easier if she could talk, of course, but that wasn't possible. This would have to do, though it left Kitty without a means to truly respond. He wouldn't insult her by using Emma's telepathy, knowing Kitty's history with Emma Frost, and how she distrusted her—with good reason. That Piotr was willing to go that route was a decision Kurt didn't try to understand.</p><p>They all had to make their own decisions, the best they could, with whatever they had. Kurt had decided he'd return to Germany and do what he'd suggested to Mara. He would work with her to bring more traffic to the museum, he'd give some personal guided tours to bring in more people. Maybe the two of them could figure out a way to advertise the museum across Germany or even Europe, to places where he wasn't considered a freak or a mutie, but an X-Man, a kind of hero, a celebrity. Bringing tourists to Winzeldorf wouldn't be easy, since the town had little to offer besides the new circus and the museum, but he could try. Exposing the townspeople to less xenophobic people might even help shift their perspective. He could always hope.</p><p>He finished the letter to Kitty, debated how to sign it, and finally settled on <em>love, Kurt</em>, because it was true, and because she wouldn't question it. Then he wrote a few more notes to lead up to the final letter. Before he went to bed, he packed as much of his bag as he could and went online to book a flight to Germany as soon as possible. Sleeping should have been out of the question, but his cycles were so off, from the time change and staying up almost twenty-four hours while Kitty dropped slowly to Earth, he fell asleep as soon as he got into bed.</p><p>
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</p><p>“I've been working in Germany and I'm going back tomorrow.” Kurt held the note up to her window the next morning and watched the smile fade from her mouth and her eyes. She shook her head and put her hands together. <em>Please</em>.</p><p>“I am needed there.”</p><p>He held up the longer letter and waited while she read it. She wouldn't cry, even if she could, but she might be angry, or turn away. But this was the decision he'd made, and he was going to follow through, even if she asked him to stay, as hard as it was to tell her no.</p><p>Her hands fell and she moved back from the window a little. He dropped the letter, crumpling it in his fist out of her sight.</p><p>“Okay,” she mouthed, no anger, no rejection, no pleading.</p><p>It was almost worse than if she'd begged him to stay, because he was prepared for that. He should have known she wouldn't beg or plead or try to change his mind. She knew him too well to think that would work.</p><p>He remembered a time Xavier had pretended to disband the team in order to find a Skrull masquerading as one of them. Xavier had viciously called Excalibur a “failed experiment” and insulted Kurt's leadership of the team. Kurt honestly thought he'd have to save the professor from her, she'd been so angry. She'd always been the first to stick up for him, to have his back, to crowds or hate-filled reverends or the professor.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said aloud, offering her a smile like a gift.</p><p>She nodded, the sorrowful expression unwavering as she pointed to her wrist. <em>When</em>?</p><p>He wrote the time on the back of the paper and she acknowledged it, looked away and then back. He could see the indecision in her features. Maybe she would plead with him after all. When she turned back to him, she mimed wiping a tear away, but then pointed at him and gave a thumbs up. Was that pride? He tipped his head against the glass until she waved her hands in front of him.</p><p>She mimed something else, pointing first to herself, then to him, then moving her fingers together to the side, like a hitchhiker's thumb, but with both hands. He cocked his head, not understanding. She repeated the gesture, subtly altering parts of it, trying to help him understand.</p><p>Piotr, never far away, said, “Let Emma help. It is better.”</p><p>Kurt didn't turn around when he said, “Thank you, but this is fine.”</p><p>“You do not trust her.”</p><p>“<em>Kitty</em> didn't trust her,” Kurt replied.</p><p>He wrote on the pad <em>you and me</em>, and she grinned, nodding. Then she made different gestures sweeping through the fluid in the container. Swimming? Flying? Flying—yes, he understood.</p><p><em>A plane</em>.</p><p>Yes, she mouthed, and began writing in the air. G.</p><p>It all clicked in his head and he wrote on the paper, <em>You are asking to go with me to Germany,</em> while she clapped her hands and made cheering motions. He chuckled softly and began to write a response.</p><p>He held it up to the window. She hesitated before she read it, as if she already knew his answer would be no.</p><p><em>When you are well, we will go there together</em>.</p><p>She nodded vigorously and smiled, mimed clapping her hands. Mimed hugging him. He put his arms around the stupid, cold, metal cylinder and pressed his cheek to the window. He could almost feel Piotr's eyes boring into him.</p><p>
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</p><p>Logan was waiting for him outside the lab, and walked with him to the cafeteria for lunch. Kurt told him the same thing he'd just told Kitty, that he was leaving tomorrow. He expected another fight, but got none.</p><p>“Sure you don't want me to fly you back?” Logan offered instead.</p><p>“No, but thank you. Commercial flights are not my favorite, but I don't wish to take resources from the team.”</p><p>Kurt realized what he'd said, too late, but Logan did not remark upon Kurt being one of those resources.</p><p>“How'd she take it?” Logan asked instead.</p><p>Kurt shrugged. “As well as I think she can, under the circumstances. It is not as though she can prevent me from leaving.”</p><p>Logan made a soft sound of laughter through his nose. “Yeah, right.”</p><p>Kurt ignored it and kept eating. He asked about Hisako and how she had done on Breakworld and how Scott was doing now. Logan talked, but it was the kind of conversation people have when they know one is leaving and they don't want to become mired in emotion. Until he asked about Kurt's family.</p><p>“You seen any of 'em since you got back?”</p><p>“No. Amanda is still in Limbo and Margali is wherever she is.”</p><p>“Circus?” A year or more ago, Logan had been with him when he returned to Germany and found his circus burning to the ground, most of the people dead or dying.</p><p>Kurt finished his meal before answering. “The land was purchased by another company. There is still a tent for circus acts, but it reminds me more of a fair than a circus. There are many more rides now, and they do not travel. I don't know anyone who works there.”</p><p>“But you've seen it.”</p><p>“Yes. I saw it.”</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“Surprisingly yes. Truthfully, I am weary of grief and pain.”</p><p>“Ain't we all,” Logan said, pushing back his chair with a loud screech. “Least we got one good thing goin' on now.” He was referring to Kitty, of course, and Kurt agreed.</p><p>“<em>Danke Gott</em>.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt visited Kitty one last time before he left. He spoke to Hank first, to ask about her prognosis. Hank didn't have a timeline on healing her yet, but they were working on a special suit she could wear. It would keep her from discorporating and give her some external tangibility. It would also allow her to speak. The tech for that was coming along, but again, he didn't have an end date in mind.</p><p>Kurt glanced over at the containment unit, where Piotr was standing, as if guarding her.</p><p>“He never leaves, does he?” Kurt said.</p><p>“No,” Hank said. “I haven't been here when he hasn't. He is truly devoted to her.”</p><p>Kurt didn't answer. If what Hank said were true, then Piotr wouldn't let her down as often as he had. Perhaps he had changed, though. Perhaps this time he would be the man she deserved. Kurt clapped Hank's shoulder as he made his way to the containment unit to tell Kitty good-bye. Piotr stepped aside, almost gladly, Kurt imagined.</p><p>“You are leaving today,” Piotr said.</p><p>“Yes. In a few hours. It was good to see you again, <em>mein Freund</em>.”</p><p>“And good to see you, <em>Tovarisch</em>.”</p><p>Kurt went close to the window. She asked him to stay longer, pinching her fingers together to say <em>just a little longer</em> when he told her it was time for him to go. He was glad she wanted him around, but he was doing no one any good here. Not being on the team meant he wasn't working, and not being in Germany meant he wasn't helping Mara. Kitty had Piotr. He needed to go back. It was time.</p><p>She put her head against the glass and her hand beside it, waiting for him to match his up with hers.</p><p>“I am not staying there forever,” he said as he wrote it on the pad of paper.</p><p>She still looked sad but didn't ask him anymore. Drawing out the farewell wasn't helping either of them, so Kurt prepared to go. He blew her a kiss and waved good-bye, and didn't turn around again when he left.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Winzeldorf</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Returning to Winzeldorf was beginning to feel familiar, almost like going home. He went to see Mara after dropping off his things, including the extra bag he'd brought with him. She smiled gently when he came into the museum, the smile of someone who is sympathetic to another person's grief. She didn't know Kitty was alive.</p><p>“How was the service?” she asked in that same gentle, compassionate voice.</p><p>“We did not hold a service. Kitty...by some miracle, Mara, she is alive.”</p><p>Mara blinked. “How is that possible?”</p><p>“We don't know. None of the doctors or experts can explain it.”</p><p>“How is she?”</p><p>He leaned on the reception desk and swished his tail slowly, remembering Kitty's face behind the glass—happy to see him, sorry when he left.</p><p>“She is as well as can be expected, I suppose. Unable to leave her intangible state, unable to speak, but alive. Communicating.”</p><p>“What's going to happen to her?”</p><p>“I do not know. The last time this happened—”</p><p>“Was when you were both injured.”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, and she was partially healed—”</p><p>“By Victor Von Doom.”</p><p>He held out his hands. “As you know.</p><p>“Are they bringing Doom in again?”</p><p>“No, we do not dare unless there is no alternative.” Kurt shook his head. “Hank is having a suit made to help her until they can find a way to heal her.”</p><p>“So she's going to be all right?”</p><p>Kurt wasn't sure how to answer that, because he didn't know the answer. Nor was he yet accustomed to the new idea that she was alive but trapped in her intangible form, possibly forever.</p><p>“I don't know, Mara. I don't think anyone does. They don't even know how she survived all that time. No food or water. Hank described it as a kind of fugue state, a hibernation of sorts.” Kurt shook his head. “There are many questions and very few answers.”</p><p>
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</p><p>When he wasn't thinking about Kitty, he was thinking about his purpose in Winzeldorf. If he was going to stay for any length of time, as he had insisted to his teammates repeatedly, he had to do more than wander around and hope the townspeople wouldn't try to beat him with a stick if he approached them. He needed a way to educate them. He'd left Mara with the idea of working together, giving tours and expanding the reach of the museum's draw. Perhaps he could do both.</p><p>He took a few days after his return to readjust to the time difference and to plan out how he wanted to manage his new idea. He didn't have a school, or access to the student curricula, so it would have to be a voluntary education. One thing he felt sure of was that exposure to more open-minded people could only be good for them, and to do that, they needed more people coming to the museum and staying to see the town. They needed to advertise better. It was a museum dedicated to him, and he had only heard of it when she sent him a personal invitation. How could he expect anyone else to know about it?</p><p>He approached Mara with his idea later that week, after he had worked out most of the details. She accepted his offer of dinner—just dinner—and they hashed out ideas over their meal.</p><p>“We need to advertise the museum more effectively and bring in other people, people from outside Winzeldorf, whose biases are perhaps less harsh.”</p><p>“I'd love to increase my advertising budget,” she said. “But I can't. Unless you have an idea?”</p><p>He rubbed his chin. “If paid advertisements aren't feasible, perhaps we can find a way to promote the museum another way. There are free sites and the social media the students are always talking about.”</p><p>“Since I only get about three visitors a week, including you,” she said with a laugh. “I almost have to go the free route. I have a few pages online, but they still don't get much traffic.”</p><p>He cocked his head at her over the table. “How are you staying afloat?”</p><p>“I have a ton of loans deferred right now. When they come due, I'll probably file bankruptcy.” She popped another bite in her mouth, her tone so casual he almost believed she wasn't worried about it.</p><p>Kurt poked at his food, thinking. He hadn't known how bad things were for Mara financially. Or, he hadn't thought about it. If he had, he would have realized she couldn't be turning a profit, let alone paying her bills.</p><p>“If we can make this work, I believe we can increase traffic, help pay your bills, and perhaps effect positive change on the people of Winzeldorf.” He felt like a politician.</p><p>“I hope so,” Mara said as she ate the meal he was paying for. He was suddenly grateful Scott had insisted on keeping him on the payroll. Paying off loans was not something the X-Men had spent much time thinking about.</p><p>“You said you have a website?”</p><p>“Yes, but it's pretty basic.”</p><p>“We need a way to direct people to it. The more people see it, the more likely they are to visit.”</p><p>“We can take more brochures to the hotels in Munich, too.”</p><p>“Should we print up new ones?” he said, as he realized there would be a cost involved in that. “I would go half, since they would include information about my project as well.” He would have paid for it in full, but didn't want to insult her.</p><p>“Sure,” she said, more readily than he'd expected. He supposed the prospect of bankruptcy made her less concerned about spending money trying to save the museum. Or she was pretending not to be concerned in front of him.</p><p>
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</p><p>They spent the following weeks designing and printing the new brochures while researching advertising options and costs. He took her to dinner as often as he could without seeming obvious about the fact he was feeding her. He always walked her home, and never went into her apartment. She never invited him in, either.</p><p>The day the new brochures were delivered from the printer, he took her to dinner to celebrate a new start. As they headed back, his phone rang, a number he didn't recognize. He almost didn't answer, but Mara was digging out her key, and curiosity got the better of him.</p><p>“<em>Hallo</em>?”</p><p>“Hey, Kurt.”</p><p>His footsteps faltered as her name came out in a rush. “Kätzchen?”</p><p>Mara looked up, smiled, and started walking. Kurt reached for her, silently asking her to wait.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kitty said, “I can talk again. Now what the hell are you doing in Germany?”</p><p>He laughed. God, it was good to hear her voice, even if she was yelling at him. “Working,” he said.</p><p>“Seriously? Why aren't you here?” She'd lost the teasing tone, and he wanted to talk to her, but Mara was still with him, and he felt rude.</p><p>“Kätzchen, could I call you back in half an hour? I want to talk to you—hold on.” Mara tapped his shoulder.</p><p>“I can head home on my own,” she said. “Talk to her.”</p><p>“Mara, no, it's too far.”</p><p>“What do you think I did before you lived here? I'm fine. Go home and talk.”</p><p>“Kurt?” Kitty said. “You can call me back, I'll wait for you.”</p><p>“<em>Danke</em>, Kätzchen. I don't feel I should make her walk home in the dark alone.”</p><p>“You got a new girlfriend, Fuzzy?” She was teasing, but there was something else in her tone. A question, or curiosity. Disappointment? But that made no sense.</p><p>He laughed again. “A friend. I will call you shortly.”</p><p>Mara shook her head in exasperation. “You can't decide whether you're a rogue or a gentleman, can you?”</p><p>“No, I'm afraid not,” he said.</p><p>“I forgive you for the roguish part,” she said as she unlocked her apartment door.</p><p>He had to take a moment before he could speak. “Thank you, Mara. For that, and this,” he waved his hand at the museum. “And for your friendship. I was not myself when I arrived here, and that is not an excuse for my behavior, merely a statement of fact.”</p><p>“I know. I can tell. You're different now that Kitty's back.”</p><p>Every reminder of that made his chest warm. Kitty <em>was</em> back. And yet, he was in Germany. The warmth dissipated as quickly as it had arrived.</p><p>“She is one of my dearest friends,” he said inadequately.</p><p>“Thanks for dinner,” Mara said. “Why don't you go call her now?”</p><p>
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</p><p>He put his hand in his pocket, itching to call her back. He told Mara good night and teleported directly to his apartment. The phone seemed to ring too many times, and he wondered if she had left it behind somewhere, or if she was too busy now to talk. It was morning there, the time everyone seemed busiest. Maybe her suit had failed and she wouldn't be able to answer or talk or even call him back. He prepared to leave her a message, not sure exactly what to say in it, but he'd think of something. Then she answered, slightly out of breath.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn't expect you to call back so soon. I was in the other room.”</p><p>“There is no need to apologize. It is so good to hear your voice.”</p><p>It was more than good. He sank onto his bed to cradle the phone, because he couldn't hold her, but he could hear her voice and close his eyes and see her.</p><p>“It <em>is</em> good to be able to talk. Hey, Kurt.” The affection in her voice made his heart lurch.</p><p>“Kätzchen.”</p><p>“So,” she said, pausing. “Still gotta wear this crazy suit, but at least I can walk around now and kind of touch stuff. I wish you'd waited so I could hug you.”</p><p>“I...”</p><p>“I know, you had work to do. So who's your friend? She from the circus? What are you <em>doing</em> over there, anyway? Why are you in Germany? How long? When are you coming back?”</p><p>He laughed a little, not caring that she was bombarding him with questions too quickly to answer. He got comfortable on the bed to answer all her questions and tell her everything that had happened while she was gone. Two hours later she had to hang up because someone was calling her from another room. Work.</p><p>“I want to talk to you more about that website,” she said. “Give me a call when you and Mara work out what you want it to say.”</p><p>“Do I have to wait for that to call you?”</p><p>“No, dummy, of course not. Call me anytime.”</p><p>“Same to you,” he replied. After he hung up, he realized she hadn't mentioned Piotr once.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Kitty's going to make us a new website?” Mara's face lit up when Kurt told her about his long conversation with Kitty the previous night.</p><p>“She's a computer genius,” he said, somewhat proudly. “We just need to tell her what we want on it.”</p><p>“We need pictures—and you should be in some of them.”</p><p>“Certainly. I think we should start with the museum's exterior, and then perhaps you could choose some items to highlight.”</p><p>The current museum website was only one page, with a white background, a small image of the museum's exterior, and a list of times and fees.</p><p>“I think we should look ahead to training some volunteers to give tours when I leave,” Kurt said.</p><p>Mara's face fell. “When are you leaving?”</p><p>“Not for a while, but...” he paused. “When I left the team, I had no long-term plan in mind. I still don't. But I know I will eventually return to the X-Men. I want to be prepared, I want <em>you</em> to be prepared. I want your museum to be able to sustain itself.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?” He cocked his head at her.</p><p>“Is it because it's your museum?”</p><p>He sat back a little in the chair and then leaned forward again. “Yes, and no. This place is incredible and certainly feeds my well-bruised ego. But it is also for this town, and you, and making right many things.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Yes, but also...I left Germany years ago when Professor Xavier saved me from almost certain death. But just as these people rejected me, so did I reject them. Now, I would like to give something back, in spite of what they think of me. Seeing Henrik, seeing his fate, it made me realize that letting this go was only giving them permission to continue to hate what they do not understand.”</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“That's a good reason to train some tour guides. They'll have to be volunteers at first.”</p><p>“I'll write down what I can about each of your displays, and you can phrase it how you like, make sure none of the stories are too long. It is, after all, your museum.”</p><p>“I might know a couple people who'd be willing to come out here and do the tours, but I'd have to give them time to get their things in order. Probably have to find them a place to live, too.”</p><p>“I cannot in good conscience recommend my apartment building.”</p><p>“No, I can't either,” she said with a laugh. “But you'll still give some tours?”</p><p>“Yes, I think that would be best at first. Unless—”</p><p>“Oh, yes, I think you should do it. Are you kidding? If that doesn't get people in here, I don't know what will.”</p><p>“Wolverine.”</p><p>She laughed. “Yeah, you're probably right.”</p><p>Kurt rubbed his chin. “I might be able to arrange that one of these days.”</p><p>Mara's mouth dropped open, then became a huge grin. “That would be amazing.”</p><p>
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</p><p>“So what else is in Winzeldorf?” Kitty asked that evening when Kurt called, ostensibly to talk to her about the website. Truthfully, he just wanted to hear her voice again. He didn't think he could ever hear it enough.</p><p>“Not much. There's the circus, and Munich isn't far. But in town? Nothing, really.”</p><p>“Hm. That's probably why she's not getting many visitors.”</p><p>“She also opened the museum in a town full of people who still hate me.”</p><p>“You know they're a bunch of ignorant, stupid, closed-minded—” She might have gone on if he hadn't interjected.</p><p>“I know, but I am hoping to change some of that with this project.”</p><p>“If anyone can change their minds, it's you.”</p><p>“Thank you for the confidence.”</p><p>“I've seen your work,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. She paused. “You're a tour guide now?”</p><p>“For the moment. When Mara finds some volunteers, I'll train them to take over.”</p><p>There was silence on the line for a while, and he wasn't sure if she was taking notes or thinking.</p><p>“Kurt, seriously, what are you doing?”</p><p>“Exactly what I've told you. I want to help these people, and Mara.”</p><p>“So you just woke up one morning and decided to quit?”</p><p>“Not exactly, but close. I wasn't needed, I wanted a change, and the invitation seemed serendipitous.”</p><p>She sighed on the other end of the line. “Yeah, you said that. But you know running away is sort of my gig.”</p><p>He wasn't sure if she was joking or not. “I've considered leaving the team before.”</p><p>“But I've actually <em>done</em> it.”</p><p>“College was a legitimate reason to leave.”</p><p>She sighed again, and he had the uncomfortable feeling that there was more going on than she was telling him. He was reminded of her return from SHIELD, when she'd begun to question her relationship with Pete Wisdom and spent days moping around the research center and snapping at all of them.</p><p>“Kätzchen, what about you? Is everything all right?”</p><p>“Yeah. I'm fine.” She cleared her throat. “Tell Mara I'll get this online for her in a few days.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem. It's nice to have something like this to work on when everything else is going to hell.”</p><p>“What's going to hell?” He felt helpless, and frustrated. Being here, he had begun to feel like he had a role to play again, but now, Kitty was clearly going through something and he wasn't there for her.</p><p>She laughed. “Everything, as usual. It's the X-Men, Kurt. What do you expect?”</p><p>What <em>did</em> he expect? An outline of the complications and problems they were dealing with? The minutes from their last meeting to draw up plans to deal with whatever those complications and problems were? He wasn't an X-Man. He was an out of work tour guide in Winzeldorf and he shouldn't have asked.</p><p>“But <em>you</em> are all right?”</p><p>“Yeah, I'm all right. But I wish you'd come back.” She paused. “Don't say anything, I'm not—I'm not trying to talk you into it again, but I miss you and it's hard not to wish.”</p><p>“I miss you, too.”</p><p>The silence stretched until Kitty said with forced cheer, “Okay, I gotta get to work on this. I'll talk to you soon.”</p><p>“Wait, please—don't hang up yet. I know you don't have to—I'm not on the team, but you sound concerned. Is there nothing you can tell me about what is happening?”</p><p>He waited. Finally she said, “I'll tell you if you tell me.”</p><p>Tightness in his chest he hadn't noticed before loosened. “What do you want to know?”</p><p>“Why are you in Germany?”</p><p>He answered quickly, before he could talk himself into giving her another version of <em>I wasn't needed</em>. “Because you've never been here.”</p><p>The silence could have been shock or surprise or any number of emotions. He didn't know what to expect when she spoke again. Her voice was quiet and serious.</p><p>“The aliens that made the bullet are on their way here. To Earth. They're asking for amnesty. And we're giving it to them.”</p><p>He swallowed. “How do you feel about that?”</p><p>“At first, I wasn't thrilled, but these aren't the people responsible for what happened to me. Unfortunately, the guy who <em>is</em> responsible is also here. I don't know how I feel about that yet.”</p><p>Kurt's heartbeat increased, and again, he regretted being so far away. “Be careful.”</p><p>“I will. Kurt?”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“Are you dating Mara?”</p><p>“No. Why?”</p><p>“I just wondered. You talk about her a lot.”</p><p>“Most of the people here want nothing to do with me. She has been kind.”</p><p>“I'm glad you have a friend there.”</p><p>“How is Piotr?”</p><p>“Fine.” There was a noise in the background, and she said, “Hey, I gotta go now.”</p><p>“Stay safe, Kätzchen.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Airports</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kurt goes back to San Francisco looking for Kitty, who isn't there.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh no.  Is there.  Only one room?  And.  Only one bed?  </p><p>Egads.  That cannot be.</p><p>I told you I wrote this for myself. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Whenever he talked to her, he half expected her to take him up on his promise to bring her to Germany, but she never mentioned it. Either she was too busy, or she'd forgotten—which he doubted—or she didn't believe he'd do it and wasn't going to ask again. She'd been increasingly busy the last few weeks, dealing with the alien refugees and the numerous other disasters and emergencies that seemed to crop up wherever the X-Men were.</p><p>She called him one night, late enough to jar him out of sleep. He fumbled for the phone, dropped it once, and finally got it.</p><p>“Kätzchen?”</p><p>“Sorry,” she said, and she sounded different. “I'm sorry, I know it's late.”</p><p>“Are you all right?”</p><p>“Yeah. I—I am now.”</p><p>“Kitty?” Kurt was wide awake, looking for his clothes. He'd get to her, if she needed him, even if he had to spend all day teleporting there.</p><p>“The aliens, things got...complicated. A lot happened. I just—can I talk to you?”</p><p>“Do you need me? Should I get a flight?”</p><p>“No, I'm okay, really. Just a little shook up. Kruun tricked us. He acted like he was loyal to Piotr but it was a lie. He took out Scott and Emma and he had a temporary cure...”</p><p>“Kitty?”</p><p>“He used it on Piotr and fought him and nearly killed him.”</p><p>“<em>Mein Gott</em>, is he...?”</p><p>“He's okay now. Hank's got him. He's stable.”</p><p>“The others?”</p><p>“They're okay now, too. We all are. We're okay.”</p><p>Kurt stopped gathering clothes into a pile and sat back down on the bed, hating that he couldn't easily go to her. The room was cold, and even with his fur and flannel pajamas, he was chilly. He pulled the covers over his legs.</p><p>“Tell me what happened. Take your time.”</p><p>She told him the whole story, of Kruun's deception, his partner Haleena's wish to change their ways in spite of Kruun's resistance. She told him of Haleena using the Breakworld metal to cut her intangible throat to bring her back to life with her powers intact. She didn't give him a chance to react to that, barreling forward with Piotr's rescue and Kruun's discovery that Haleena had not survived the ritual that had brought Kitty back.</p><p>“That's what finally stopped him. She was dead, and the only way to bring her back was to do the thing he hated most of all. Become weak in his eyes. He sacrificed himself for her, but he was stronger. He didn't die.”</p><p>“He's still there?”</p><p>“He's still here.”</p><p>“She <em>killed</em> you. Haleena.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Her voice trembled but she wasn't crying. “And she brought me back and now my powers work and I don't need that suit anymore.”</p><p>“If it had not worked...” She would have been gone, for real. And he would have been in Germany and not with her. Again. He put his head in his hands.</p><p>“You can't protect me from everything, Kurt.”</p><p>“I know that, I know—”</p><p>“But it's sweet you wish you could.” She let out a loud breath. “I'd do the same for you, y'know.”</p><p>“Yes, I know. I am glad it worked. And that you called me.”</p><p>Her voice was very quiet. “Everyone assumes it's Piotr I've always leaned on.”</p><p>“<em>Natürlich</em>.”</p><p>“But he leans on me.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Sometimes it feels like everyone does.”</p><p>“You sound tired, Kätzchen. Perhaps it is time for a break.”</p><p>“I can't believe I'm gonna turn you down on that, but I can't. Not right now.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>He lay down, trying to relax. She sounded better, less wound up, and after a few more minutes, she had to go.</p><p>“Scott's calling. Back to work.”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>. Back to sleep for me.”</p><p>“I'm sorry I woke you.”</p><p>“Don't ever be sorry for needing me.”</p><p>“Thanks. You, too.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt gave his first tour three days later. A wealthy couple had seen the museum advertised online, and because they were always looking for new and unique experiences, they'd booked a tour. Kurt did his best to make it worth their trip, telling stories and even demonstrating a few simple acrobatic moves in the empty spaces. The next day, they booked four more tours. Friends of the first couple, who had apparently had a good enough time that they'd recommended it to their friends.</p><p>“They just liked telling their friends they met Nightcrawler in person and now they can say they know you,” Mara said with a laugh as the bookings came in.</p><p>“Whatever it takes,” Kurt said. “We need to reach more than the wealthy, though, if this is to be sustainable. It's a rather niche museum.”</p><p>“Needs a gift shop,” Mara said.</p><p>Kurt laughed. “Should I ask my friends to send copies of their autographs?”</p><p>
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</p><p>The museum began to see a bit of traffic, possibly the result of seeing wealthy people patronizing it, possibly advertising. Instead of three visitors a week including Kurt, there were now four or five. In spite of their efforts, the museum probably wouldn't be able to make it, but at least he'd know he'd done what he could.</p><p>Kitty kept him up to date with the team, from fake X-Men and nano-viruses to Emma wanting to kill Shaw to Hope being kidnapped. Part of him wished he was there, but the other part was glad to be away, where the most difficult thing he had to do each day was walk down the street and avoid rocks.</p><p>They weren't real rocks, but stares and glares and snarls of hate, but they hurt just the same. Mara's pleasant smile greeting him at the museum each day helped ease the pain, but hers wasn't the smile he longed to see. That smile lived across the world, and was given to another man. Kurt didn't have a television here, so he couldn't watch his favorite movies, but he'd seen enough. Movies where the love interest was with the best friend, and he'd always thought it was a terrible trope, to want another man's girlfriend. And here he was. Wishing she loved him instead of Piotr.</p><p>In the evenings he called her, or she called him, and sometimes they talked and sometimes only left messages. Sometimes whole weeks passed when he couldn't talk to her. She rarely talked about Piotr, and when she did, it was usually in the context of some mission or other. Kurt never asked. He didn't want to hear how happy she was with him.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Did you hear about Piotr?” she said when he answered her call for the first time in two weeks.</p><p>He hadn't spoken to Kitty for more than five minutes in that time. Every time he called, she was in the middle of something, most recently Juggernaut's return. So he told her to call him when she could, anytime day or night, and he'd hoped she would. And she had. It was barely six in the morning, almost nine at night her time. Her voice sounded tense and full of barely restrained anger.</p><p>“I—no?”</p><p>“He's the fucking <em>Juggernaut</em>, Kurt.”</p><p>“What?” The last thing he'd heard from her, in one of their brief exchanges, was that Juggernaut had returned, more powerful than ever, and nothing they tried seemed to stop him.</p><p>“He took the stone, he—” she made a low sound of anger and frustration that vibrated through the airwaves.</p><p>“The Gem of Cyttorak? Piotr took it?”</p><p>“Yes! So Illyana wouldn't have to. We don't even know if she's the real Illyana, but he didn't care, he just stepped in front of her. I feel so stupid for going back to him.”</p><p>“You aren't stupid, Kätzchen.”</p><p>“No? He cheated on me when I was fourteen. Then he beat up my boyfriend in a jealous rage and acted like he was the victim. Then he sacrificed himself for the Legacy Virus cure. And now this. How am I <em>not</em> stupid?”</p><p>He could liken her situation to his own, with Amanda, and the numerous times he'd taken her back over the years. Would Kitty call him stupid for that? Was he? He didn't know what to say, but his silence had gone too long already.</p><p>“Kitty, I am sorry.”</p><p>“No, no, it's okay. I shouldn't have called you when I'm this upset. I should go. I just wanted to hear your voice since—I just wanted to hear your voice.”</p><p>He knew what she wasn't saying. There had to be a way to make this work, to do this new thing he wanted to accomplish, without leaving his best friends behind. He feared it was already done.</p><p>“You are not stupid,” he said finally.</p><p>“I wish I believed you.” She blew out a breath. “I should go. I have to deal with the fallout of this mess.”</p><p>He wanted to say something profound, something comforting, but <em>sorry</em> and <em>I wish I was there</em> felt inadequate and patronizing.</p><p>“Kätzchen...”</p><p>“I'll talk to you later. Thanks for listening.”</p><p>She was gone before he could say another word.</p><p>He set the phone down beside him and ran a hand through his hair. If he had been there, they would have sat together, she might have cried on his shoulder the way she had in the past. He would have been able to comfort her. He couldn't do that from Germany.</p><p>“<em>Verdammt</em>.”</p><p>
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</p><p>“I need to see the schedule of tours.” Kurt said when Mara unlocked the museum later that morning. “I need to go to the States for a while.”</p><p>She looked concerned. “Did something happen?”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>. No one is dead, at least not at the moment, but I need to go.”</p><p>She pulled out the paper calendar and handed it to him. “I have a four day window.”</p><p>“If you can't get back, I'll do it,” Mara said.</p><p>Kurt shook his head. “They paid for me. I'll be here.” He had already packed, his bag waiting at his feet. “You still have the spare key?”</p><p>Mara nodded.</p><p>“I can't think of anything else,” he said, feeling flustered. “I'll be back in time for the tour.”</p><p>
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</p><p>The airport was busy, but he waited in line for the agent, whose eyes widened when he stepped up to the counter. He flashed his most charming smile and asked about the soonest flight to San Francisco. They didn't have any seats available until the next day, but the agent was helpful in spite of her surprise at his appearance, and found him a flight to another airport and a rental car.</p><p>Utopia was an island off the coast of San Francisco, so he left the rental car in a lot nearby and teleported across. There were no kids playing outside, and no sign of his teammates. Had they abandoned Utopia? Kurt went inside, where it was just as empty, and the walls were bare. He could see the discolored patches where photos of the team had once hung.</p><p>“<em>Hallo</em>?” he called.</p><p>A voice replied in his mind. Emma Frost. “What a surprise, Kurt. Do come down to the conference room. Four more doors down this hall.”</p><p>Scott and Emma were sitting at a large table with a number of old friends, and a few former enemies. Piotr was there, next to Illyana. Magneto, Storm, Namor. Namor?</p><p>“Kurt, come in. Are you back?” Scott greeted him with a thin smile. No one else was smiling.</p><p>“<em>Nein</em>, no, I came to—” he glanced down the table at Colossus, now the Juggernaut, capable of unstoppable power, difficult to control. “I came to see Kätzchen.”</p><p>“She is not here,” Piotr said.</p><p>Kurt glanced at their faces, some blank and bored, others sympathetic. A few not looking his way at all.</p><p>“She and Wolverine and some of the others have gone back to Westchester. Reopened the school.” Scott's voice was flat, and Kurt wondered what exactly had transpired. Logan and Scott had always had a tenuous relationship. Had something finally snapped that string?</p><p>Kurt adjusted the bag on his shoulder. If it had been in his hand, he would have dropped it on the floor in frustration and disappointment. “<em>Verdammt</em>,” he muttered. “Then I am sorry to have bothered you all.”</p><p>The feeling he should ask what was going on was strong, but last time he'd found out what Scott was up to, it had been X-Force. At least Wolverine wasn't here this time, but Ororo was. He prayed she would serve to keep the others in line if they were back to Scott's old X-Force ways.</p><p>And Kitty hadn't mentioned anything like this. He didn't ask.</p><p>“Are you sure you won't stay?” Scott said.</p><p>“I cannot. I must get to New York.”</p><p>“Katya,” Piotr said. “She asked for you?”</p><p>Kurt turned, still cautious. “No. I came on my own.”</p><p>Illyana's hand stroked Piotr's arm, and Kurt had the distinct impression she was keeping him calm.</p><p>Scott stood up. “Whenever you're ready to come back, Kurt, let us know.”</p><p>“<em>Danke</em>, Scott. I will.”</p><p>Kurt shut the door behind him and teleported to the ground, then back across to the car. Had he known she wasn't in San Francisco, he'd have saved himself a great deal of travel time. And money. He headed back to the airport, and had no trouble finding a direct flight to La Guardia.</p><p>
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</p><p>He was exhausted and slept on the plane. Touchdown in New York jolted him awake, and the businessman sitting next to him kept his eyes averted. Kurt wondered if the man had been staring at him while he slept. Maybe he could buy something to eat in the terminal. He was hungry. And he needed another rental car. The drive to Westchester was familiar the way going back to Winzeldorf had become. It was late, though, after dinnertime, and Kurt's internal clock was completely mixed up. His body told him it was early morning, when it was nearly time for children to be in bed. None of it would matter if she was happy, though.</p><p>He pulled up in front of the school, which was demolished as usual. It was different, with new features and buildings that looked like architecture from outer space. He took a moment to look up at one of the towers looming over the old building and he wondered what it was. Then he headed toward the door.</p><p>The ground was torn up, and he wondered what had happened. It looked like fresh damage. He shook his head with a laugh and smiled. Typical X-Men situation. Nothing ever seemed to go quite according to plan for them. Normally he would have walked inside without knocking, but he'd been away so long, he felt like a visitor. His finger was poised over the doorbell when the double doors flung wide and Rachel Grey stood in front of him.</p><p>“Kurt.”</p><p>“Rachel! How good to see you,” he said.</p><p>She smiled and hugged him, and he could feel her picking away at his brain, probably figuring out if he was really who he said he was. He let her.</p><p>“That's a long day,” she said, “just to visit an old friend.”</p><p>He shrugged. “She would have done the same for me.”</p><p>Rachel led him in, through a foyer that was partly under construction and apparently also under re-construction.</p><p>“I'm not telling her,” Rachel said, “so you can surprise her.”</p><p>He remembered a party they'd thrown for Kitty's 14<sup>th</sup> birthday, after they'd returned from space. Illyana had been in on it. In fact, she had been the one who suggested they give her a party. Kurt and Logan had insisted on the surprise aspect. And she <em>had</em> been surprised, he remembered. Illyana had shoved her into the room, and Kitty's face had gone from pale to bright red as she realized what was going on. Of course, she'd kissed Piotr as if he had anything to do with it, but back then, Kurt had only thought of her as a precocious young girl. A friend and nothing more. He hadn't cared that she wanted to kiss Piotr.</p><p>Rachel pointed to an office door marked “Head of School” and he raised a brow, mouthing the words to her.</p><p>Rachel nodded and spoke in his mind. “She and Wolverine are co-heads of school. The state inspectors were here today and things got...interesting.”</p><p>Rachel gave a smile before she turned away, and for the first time, Kurt realized these halls were strangely empty, too. Where were the kids?</p><p>“I kept them away for you,” Rachel said in his mind.</p><p>“Thank you, but I'll take my privacy now.”</p><p>She laughed aloud from the other end of the hall as he knocked on the door.</p><p>Papers rustled and a weary voice called, “Come in.”</p><p>He pushed open the door. She was sitting behind a huge mahogany desk covered in papers, dropping her head from her hand as she said, “How can I help you...”</p><p>“Kätzchen.”</p><p>“Oh my god.” She stood up too fast, bumped the table, then phased through it, reaching for him as he tossed his bag down to catch her in his arms. “Oh my god, Kurt.”</p><p>Holding her for the first time since before she had been trapped in a giant space bullet was overwhelming. He wound his tail around her waist, arms around her shoulders and waist as he buried his face in her hair. All the hassle of traveling was worth it for this one moment. He felt her fingers dig into his back, clutching his shirt in her fist.</p><p>They parted when her hair caught in his mouth and he had to let go to remove the strand, laughing as he did. She stepped back a little, catching his other hand in hers.</p><p>“Why are you here? I mean, I'm glad, I'm so, so glad. But why? How?”</p><p>“You seemed to need a friend.”</p><p>“So you flew here from Germany to pat my back?” She was smiling as she said it, and he knew her teasing was only to cover up how happy she was to see him.</p><p>“Actually, I didn't know you were here until I reached Utopia and Scott told me.”</p><p>She covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh shit, you went all the way to—oh, Kurt, I'm so sorry! I wasn't sure until the last minute if this was going to happen, and when it did it happened practically overnight. It was in the works when I called you but I was so distracted about Piotr...”</p><p>“It's fine, it doesn't matter. I'm here now.”</p><p>“Are—are you staying?” His smile wavered and she looked away. “Oh. Well, that's okay. How long are you here?”</p><p>“Unfortunately, my travel delays mean I can only stay two more days.”</p><p>“Oh.” Her hand in his slipped a little, and he adjusted his grip to hold onto her. Her disappointment was contagious. She swallowed and said, “Okay. Well. Well, that just sucks.”</p><p>“I'm sorry.”</p><p>“No, no, it's—it's not your fault, I should have told you.”</p><p>“Kätzchen, in the interest of time, let's assume neither of us intended anything to go wrong, hm?”</p><p>She smiled again. “Yeah. Okay. Are you hungry?”</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“We have a semi-functional cafeteria. I'll show you.”</p><p>On the way, she told him about the state inspectors visiting, and the disasters all over the school and the strange kids who'd shown up outside the gates.</p><p>“Logan's name is on a door just like mine, but I feel like this is all in my lap.”</p><p>She sat across from him at a plastic-topped cafeteria table, elbows on the table and a cup of coffee in front of her, untouched. Kurt ate quickly. The jet lag and hunger had made his brain foggy, and all he could think of was finding a place to sit down comfortably with her leaning into his shoulder and his arms around her. The amount of paperwork on her desk suggested that might not happen.</p><p>“So you saw Scott,” she said, couching the real question. <em>Did you see Piotr</em>?</p><p>“I did,” he said, swallowing the last of his sandwich. “He was in a meeting with the rest of them.”</p><p>Kitty nodded, then shook her head. “I still can't believe he did that.”</p><p>She was talking about Piotr again, not Scott. Kurt reached across and took her hand, like he had wanted to when she called him.</p><p>“He just threw us away, again. And you know, the funny part is, I was already having doubts.”</p><p>Kurt's brow raised a little.</p><p>“I could see it starting already, even before Kruun and the refugees arrived. Even on Breakworld.”</p><p>Kurt added his other hand, folding hers between his. She laughed mirthlessly and smiled at him. “I say I should have known, but I <em>did</em> know. I knew from the start, and I did it anyway.”</p><p>“You have always been incredibly forgiving and full of love, Kätzchen.”</p><p>She looked away and pulled her hands free. Kurt rose when she did and caught her hand again as they walked back towards her office. For the first time he noticed what she was wearing—a dark pink skirt and heels and a loose white blouse. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail. She looked so much older, though still not old enough to run a school.</p><p>“I don't think it was love, Kurt.” She pushed her office door open and looked from the desk covered in papers to the velvet couch on the other side of the room. He took a step towards the couch, and she followed without much urging. “I think it was...I don't know.”</p><p>She sat down beside him and leaned in, as he'd wanted, and his heart was so full he almost missed the last thing she said in a hushed whisper against his chest. “I think it was resignation.”</p><p>“Resignation? To what?” he asked, keeping his tone gentle. He did not want her to think he was criticizing her.</p><p>“That he's it for me.”</p><p>“Kätzchen, that isn't true. You can't truly believe that.”</p><p>She shrugged and twisted her fingers into the front of his shirt. “I don't know what I think anymore. I'm either everyone's little sister, or their teacher.”</p><p>“Also not true.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say. Name one person who doesn't see me as one or the other.”</p><p>“Scott. Bobby. Ororo. Rachel. Me.”</p><p>“I meant...Never mind.”</p><p>“You meant potential lovers?”</p><p>“You make it sound weird.”</p><p>He laughed softly. If only she knew who he'd put on that list.</p><p>They sat in silence for a little while and then she kicked her shoes off and tucked her feet up on the couch. “Does Logan know you're here?” she said.</p><p>“I have no idea. Rachel does, she let me in.”</p><p>“She probably told him.”</p><p>“I don't know. She cleared the hall so I could surprise you. She may be keeping them away.”</p><p>“Then I'll have to remember and thank her tomorrow.”</p><p>“You look nice,” he said.</p><p>Kitty sat up to give him a smirk. “You always say that. Even when I'm wearing the dullest green plaid skirt in history.”</p><p>“When did you ever wear a dull green skirt?”</p><p>“Misty Knight's apartment that one time.”</p><p>“Ah, that was many years ago. Fashion has changed.”</p><p>She patted his chest and plucked at the collar of his sweater. “Yours hasn't.”</p><p>“Are you saying I'm out of date?”</p><p>“No...but I've seen you wear this same sweater a lot.”</p><p>“I packed in rather a hurry.”</p><p>“Do you have a room? Of course not—you said you came right to the office. Come on,” she said, sitting up. “Let's find one.”</p><p>He didn't want to get up and separate from her, but he followed along, her bare feet making hardly any sound as they passed through the shambles of a lobby.</p><p>“Most of the rooms upstairs are fine,” she said. He adjusted the bag over his shoulder and followed her up to the second and then third floor. “Second floor is for the kids,” she explained.</p><p>One end of the long corridor was still under construction, but the other end looked completed. The hall lights were bright, the carpet mostly clean. They walked down the hall, Kitty silently reminding herself who had which room. Most had nameplates, a few did not, and she paused in front of them, chewing her lip and thinking.</p><p>“I think...” she began, pressing her ear to one before knocking. “This one might be free.”</p><p>The door opened and a woman Kurt had never seen in person before smiled at them. “Hi,” she said.</p><p>“Oh, Angelica, I forgot. Sorry. I was looking for an empty room for Kurt to stay in. Kurt Wagner, this is Angelica Jones. She's one of our newest teachers. Firestar.”</p><p>“A pleasure to meet you,” he said, giving her a little bow. When he stood, she was blushing a little and smiling.</p><p>“Do you remember if anyone's using that room?” Kitty asked, pointing to another room without a nameplate across the hall.</p><p>“I think it's reserved for someone,” Angelica said. “But I'm not sure.”</p><p>Kitty thanked her and knocked on the other door. She got no answer but was reluctant to poke her head in if someone was staying there. They had reached the end of the hall, and Kurt was about to suggest he get a hotel, but she had another idea.</p><p>“Someone will let you bunk with them. Bobby or Logan for sure. Hank even might.”</p><p>He didn't want to stay with them. He wanted to stay with Kitty, but he couldn't suggest that. “If that is what you wish,” he said, hoping he didn't sound to obviously disappointed.</p><p>“Unless you want to stay with me.”</p><p>He had to ask her to repeat herself to be sure he'd heard correctly, having just finished the very thought.</p><p>“I have a pullout couch. Well, it's a futon, but it works.”</p><p>“I wouldn't want to impose on you,” he said, then smiled. “But I did come to see <em>you</em>.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Jean Grey School for Higher Learning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kurt spends some time in New York, where there is only one bed he can possibly sleep in out of all the rooms in this mansion.  </p><p>Also maybe there's a kiss?</p>
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    <p>Kitty's room was larger than their rooms had been in the school previously. Perks of being a head of school, she said. The carpet was brand new, a dark blue that matched his fur surprisingly well. He dropped his bag beside the futon while she went to the closet and started pulling out extra blankets and a pillow. She turned and handed them to him with a grin.</p><p>“It's been years since you crashed on my couch,” she said.</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, that seems like ages ago. Another lifetime.”</p><p>“You want a shower or anything?”</p><p>“That sounds wonderful. I've been traveling since...what feels like two days ago?”</p><p>She made a face and came up beside him, sliding her arms around his waist. “I'm sorry. But I'm so glad you're here.”</p><p>“It is worth it.”</p><p>She looked up, smiling softly, and caught his gaze, holding it longer than was entirely comfortable. He swallowed.</p><p>“The, uh, the shower is...?”</p><p>“Oh. Yeah, right through there,” she said, pointing. “There are towels in the closet in there. Help yourself to whatever.”</p><p>He pulled out fresh clothes from his bag. Kitty returned to her office to work while he showered, promising to come back in an hour. Kurt didn't need an hour, but maybe he'd walk the halls and see who else was around.</p><p>The bathroom smelled generic and new, but her things were on the counter and it felt intimate and personal sharing her space. In the shower, he let the hard spray wash away the grime of travel. The shower in his apartment didn't have water pressure like this and it felt amazing to let the beating jets scrub his fur. When he was done and dressed in his pajamas, he went into the hall and wandered back to the first floor.</p><p>There were few people about, as it had grown late, so he found his way back to Kitty's office. She was hunched over the desk again, scribbling furiously and shifting the stacks around. She looked up when he tapped softly and pushed the door open.</p><p>“Is there anything I can help with?” he said as an apology for interrupting her again.</p><p>“I don't think so. It's enrollment forms and stuff.” She laid her hands on the desk. “Have a good shower?”</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, thank you.” He considered sitting back on her couch again, but she looked like she had more work to do. “I'm sorry for bothering you.”</p><p>“You're not. It's late, and I should leave some of this for Logan to do, right?”</p><p>“Yes, you should. Where is he?”</p><p>“Out. Who knows where. It's Logan, y'know?” Her hand fit in his perfectly, and the way she fit her fingers between his so naturally, as if she always held the hand of a man with two fingers and a thumb, made him warm all over. “Don't worry, I'm sure you'll see him before you leave,” she said.</p><p>They started down the hall, passing the staircase, and turning down a side hall. The central area of the mansion hadn't changed that much, and even if it had, this wasn't the way they'd gone to her room earler.</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“Surprise.” She tugged him along and opened another door. “New rec room.”</p><p>He admired the expansive space. “Impressive.”</p><p>“Best of all,” she said, “We have a whole library of movies, plus a digital service.” She spun proudly. “And I have a TV in my room.”</p><p>“Ah, movie night,” he said, matching her grin with his own. “Popcorn?”</p><p>“That's next.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Kitty showed him the kitchen and left him to deal with the snacks while she hurried upstairs to shower and change. He took his time, not wanting to be in the way while she showered and dressed for the night. When he finally went upstairs, she was waiting for him in the middle of her bed, legs crossed.</p><p>“What took so long?” she said as she accepted a bowl of popcorn from him. She had the movie ready to go.</p><p>“I was giving you time.” For possibly the first time, he felt uncertain around her. Should he choose the futon? Should he sit on the end of her bed? In the past, there had never been a question—on movie night, if they weren't in the rec room with everyone else, they were in his room or hers, shoved against the headboard under a blanket, almost on top of one another. As time passed, their job descriptions had changed and movie night had happened less and less often, and then all but disappeared.</p><p>“The bathroom has a door,” she said, and patted the bed. “Come on.”</p><p>She scooted up with him, almost impatient for him to settle in so she could press back against his shoulder. The movie started and less than five minutes into it, she pushed her popcorn bowl away and turned to wrap her arms around his waist.</p><p>“I miss you so damn much,” she said.</p><p>“Kätzchen, so do I, I miss you. I miss you every day.”</p><p>Come back hung silently in the air, but she didn't say it, she only held him, her face and shoulders pressed into his chest. In spite of the wistful melancholy, he was happy—he was here with her, after all, and she was in his arms and she missed him. Knowing she wished he was here and wanted him back made him happy, not the way he'd felt when she returned from space alive—that was something entirely different—but this was good, too.</p><p>He half watched the movie, distracted every few minutes by the sound of her laugh or some movement she made. They laughed through it, and when it ended, late in the night, he kissed her head and started to slide off the side of the bed. Her hand drifted over his arm and then she gripped his elbow hard enough to stop him. He looked at her, the smiles gone.</p><p>“This is really hard,” she said.</p><p>His heart began to race with nerves. He shifted back onto the bed to face her. The movie had only delayed the conversation.</p><p>“Being here,” she continued. “Half of us on the other side of the country, you in a completely different country. It's hard.” Her eyes moved over his features slowly, like she was memorizing them. “I really miss you,” she repeated with conviction.</p><p>“I miss you, too, Kätzchen. It's why I came here, for <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“You always seem to find a way to be there when I need you most,” she said.</p><p>He wished that could be true, but the real truth of it, that he'd failed her more times than not, made him look away. Her grip on his wrist didn't falter as she inched closer to his precarious seat on the edge of the bed. She waited, then put her hand on his cheek and made him look at her again.</p><p>“Piotr never made me a real priority. There was always someone else to save, or something else he had to do. Choosing him was always going to mean accepting that I was never going to be the most important thing in his life. Any part of it. But...you never make me feel that way.”</p><p>His heart thudded heavily and he forced himself to breathe slowly and evenly. “You have always been special to me.”</p><p>“I don't think I told you, when I was stuck in that bullet, all I could really do was think. I thought about my mom and dad and Piotr and you. I thought about you a lot. A whole lot. It made me feel calm and almost safe, if I imagined you being there. I just worried when I thought about Mom or Piotr. But you...”</p><p>His heart raced, and he forced himself to breathe through his nose. He knew Kitty cared about him, even loved him, as a friend. To hear her saying such things about him, how she felt about him, made him want to pull her back into his arms and never let her go again.</p><p>“I am glad I could comfort you in that way.”</p><p>“I told myself I'd make it back, but I never really believed it.” Her confident expression was gone, and she let go of him at last. “I thought I'd be stuck out there forever with only my thoughts for company.” She tried to sound lighthearted, but he could hear the remembered fear. It was still so close to the surface for him, too.</p><p>“Sit with me again,” he said.</p><p>Kurt settled back onto the bed and she immediately shrugged under his arm again. She'd never talked about her time in space more than a few sentences in passing. Mostly they talked about current situations, or sometimes reminisced. He'd never brought it up, because it seemed to be a taboo subject for her.</p><p>“I believed you would come back to us until they said it was impossible. They said you must be dead.”</p><p>“I don't know why I'm not.”</p><p>Kurt put his other arm around her, remembering the bleak days after that pronouncement, the heaviness that seemed to hang over all of them. “Logan...he was nearly inconsolable. Piotr was devastated.”</p><p>“And you?” She lifted her head from his chest, her palm flat over his heart.</p><p>“I...I <em>left</em>.”</p><p>“I looked for you when Magneto freed me. I saw everyone standing around, but I didn't see you at first. And then Piotr was there, and I couldn't unphase and I couldn't speak, and they took me away. I saw you then. I saw you, sitting on the ground.”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“And I just wanted to go to you and hold you.” She put her head back down and hooked her hand over his shoulder. “But you went back to Germany before I could.”</p><p>“I regret that,” he said, “so very much. But I am here now.”</p><p>“You're going to leave again.”</p><p>“Yes. But not forever.”</p><p>She wrapped her arms tighter around his waist and closed her eyes. He stroked hair he hadn't felt in almost a year. It was so late, especially for her. He didn't want to move, ever, but she needed to sleep. He sat up, away from the pillow at his back.</p><p>“Kätzchen, I should—”</p><p>“Stay. Please.”</p><p>She didn't open her eyes until he answered. “I'll stay.”</p><p>She moved enough to pull the covers down and was back in his arms as soon as she was done. Kurt expected to be awake a long time, but with her breath soft against his fur, and her body fitting into all his curves and angles, he relaxed enough to sleep several hours.</p><p>
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</p><p>She woke before him, and was already taking clothes out of her closet when he blinked his eyes against the dim light. She had the bathroom door cracked, a thin beam of light just enough to see what she was doing. She had her back to him, rifling through her clothes. She seemed to be looking for something in particular.</p><p>He sat up and greeted her as he scratched his hands in his hair and yawned. She glanced over her shoulder with a brief smile.</p><p>“I'm late,” she said. “Classes start in twenty minutes and I'm supposed to be in the hallway and I haven't eaten.”</p><p>“Is there anything I can do? Bring you breakfast?”</p><p>She found what she was looking for, grabbed the rest of her clothes and scurried to the bathroom. “Yeah, actually, that'd be great.”</p><p>While she was in the bathroom, he dressed in her room and went out to the cafeteria. It took him a few minutes to find which hall she was in, but the beaming smile on her face was worth it. She took the bag from him—a tray had seemed awkward to hold while standing in a hallway teeming with students—and kissed his cheek. He stayed with her, watching the students hurrying past, teachers with coffee mugs mixed in with them, greeting Kitty and Kurt as they passed. When the rush ended, she headed to her office, and with nothing else to do, he followed her.</p><p>He felt out of place, and intrusive, so he made an excuse of getting his own breakfast and left. He hoped to run into old friends, and while he saw a few, most were on their way to classes. He spent half an hour chatting with the custodian, a former lackey of Magneto's named Toad. He promised to put in a word on his behalf to both Logan and Kitty, about how Toad was feeling unappreciated. Then Kurt went back to Kitty's office to sit. She was gone, a hastily scribbled note on her door saying she'd gone to teach a class.</p><p>
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</p><p>She and Logan were both busy most of the day, teaching, welcoming new students, and dealing with the fallout of the previous day's attack. That, he learned from Toad, was what had caused the damage he'd seen on his way in. He spent part of the afternoon with Hank, and part of it in Kitty's office, joking with anyone who came by that he'd been sent there for causing trouble. He napped in the late afternoon, still trying to adjust to the time difference—but not too much.</p><p>He put in a call to Mara, who assured him the museum was fine without him. By dinnertime he was bored. Kitty looked worse than the day before, though, and that was enough to get his attention. She rushed into the office just after five, threw papers onto her desk and rushed back out. Kurt debated going after her, but it was likely school business. Half the papers fell to the floor, and he picked them up, glancing at the work of her students. They were all assignments waiting to be graded, and the straightforward multiple-choice questions were easy enough to mark.</p><p>He left the graded papers stacked neatly on her desk with a note explaining what he'd done and why, and went to the cafeteria to eat. It was full of students, yelling and talking and laughing. For a moment, he stood in the doorway taking it all in. It reminded him of crowds at the circus—the noise and the bustle. His empty apartment in Germany suddenly seemed a lot less inviting.</p><p>He ate with some of the kids he didn't know, and stayed talking to them until Kitty poked her head in, looking for him. He excused himself and hurried over. She looked frazzled, but she smiled when he reached her side.</p><p>“Sorry. We've only been open a few days and the kids are...<em>kids</em>, and money is tight and...” She tipped her head against his arm and laced her fingers in his as they took the stairs to the third floor.</p><p>
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</p><p>When they reached her room, she shut the door and fell against it with a loud sigh.</p><p>“Bobby kissed me.”</p><p>Kurt's heart dropped, and he tripped on the carpet. He willed himself not to be jealous—it wasn't fair or useful or kind. But he <em>was</em>. Why did this keep happening? Why was there always someone else, and why did she never think of him that way? Did she secretly still see him as a monster? Or was he human enough to be a friend, but not human enough to be a man in her eyes?</p><p>“I don't know what to think,” she said, still to his back. “I don't know what to <em>do</em>.”</p><p>“How do you <em>feel</em>? Do you care for him?” Kurt finally turned around, wishing he hadn't eaten that second helping of chicken fried steak.</p><p>She shook her head. “He's my friend.”</p><p>“Then tell him. Honesty is important.” He couldn't look at her when he said it. “It is more fair for him to know where he stands than to be kept guessing.”</p><p>“Yeah.” She took her things to the bathroom and shut the door, leaving him to mull over what he'd just said, knowing he was keeping things from her. But he hadn't kissed her, or flirted with her. She didn't know—he didn't think she could know—how he felt about her. And yes, he decided, that was the difference. Bobby had put Kitty in a situation where the truth <em>had</em> to be shared. Kurt was in a different situation altogether.</p><p>He imagined telling her Bobby and Piotr weren't her only options. He tried to guess how she'd react—shock, surprise, pity? He wanted to imagine her being excited and happy, but the images wouldn't come to him. He kept seeing Bobby's lips on hers instead of his own. Kurt paced the room, too restless to sit still, until he heard her finishing up. Her hair was wet and plastered to her head and she was still rubbing it with a towel.</p><p>“All yours,” she said. As he passed her, she touched his arm. “I'm going to talk to him. I don't want to hurt him, but you're right. He deserves to know how I feel.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt had to leave in the morning. His visit had been far too short, and he was beginning to think Germany was not where he belonged. But he couldn't break his promises to Mara, either. When he got back, they'd have to talk over what could happen next. He wanted to be back here, in New York, where Kitty was. Even if she dated Bobby or Piotr, being near her was better than being across the ocean from her.</p><p>He dried off and dressed, but the room was empty when he came out of the bathroom. Most of his visit he'd spent with other people, or alone. It felt like such a waste. This time he did sit, slouching on the futon, which was horribly uncomfortable. He wondered if she'd ask him to share her bed again. After ten minutes, he got up and went looking for her. She was in her office, the first place he looked.</p><p>“You graded these?” she said when he walked in.</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>. I had some time on my hands.”</p><p>She swept a wet strand of hair back. “I'm sorry. I wanted to visit with you, but this school...we're so busy, and I couldn't get away. You probably regret coming out here at all.”</p><p>“I'm not sorry I came, but I am sorry we haven't had much time together.”</p><p>She didn't get up from the desk this time, so he sat down on her couch and crossed one ankle over his knee. Hopefully he looked relaxed. He didn't want her to know he was more upset than he was telling her. She pushed papers around on her desk, but he could tell she wasn't working. This wasn't how he wanted to leave things—it wasn't her fault things were chaotic here, and it wasn't her fault he had to return so soon.</p><p>“I have to leave tomorrow, but when I go back, I'm going to talk to Mara about the museum. I'd like to finish up there sooner than I originally planned.”</p><p>She put her pen down. Her eyes were wide as she slowly straightened in her chair.</p><p>“What do you—you mean—?”</p><p>“I mean I want to come home.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“It won't be immediate. I have some obligations I have to fulfill first, but—”</p><p>She phased through the desk and fell against him. He barely dropped his foot to the floor in time to envelop her in his arms. He was sure it was her heart beating so fast against his ribs, she held him so tightly as she perched on his thigh.</p><p>“Are you really sure?” she said. “You've been pretty adamant that you didn't want to come back.”</p><p>“Being here reminds me that this is my family and my home. And the school would give me an opportunity to educate future generations of mutants. Not the same as what's going on in Winzeldorf, but important all the same.”</p><p>She looked down at his hand wrapped in hers and let it go, sliding off the couch. Her smile was still there, but it had changed a little. He tried to pinpoint what was different, but couldn't quite.</p><p>“Did I say something wrong?” he said as he stood.</p><p>“No! Of course not!”</p><p>“You seem...” He reached for her hand and she held on, letting their fingers twine before pulling slowly away once more.</p><p>“I'm glad for whatever reason you've found to come back to us. I'm kind of tired now, though.”</p><p>“Wait.” He stood up, too, and held out his arms. She stepped into his embrace, and the hesitation might have been his imagination. “You're disappointed.”</p><p>“No I'm not.” She shook her head. “What would I be disappointed about? I've been begging you to come back since I was trapped in that stupid containment unit in the lab on Utopia. I'm ecstatic that you're finally rejoining us. I'm trying to decide what to have you teach.”</p><p>“Language. History. Drama. Aspects of Teleportation. Sword fighting—both offensive and defensive.” He paused. “<em>Pirate</em> history.”</p><p>She giggled into his shirt. “I like the first three options.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Back in her room for the night, he set his bag on the futon and didn't look at her when he said, “I sat on this earlier. It is not very comfortable.”</p><p>“Good thing there's a bed.”</p><p>He relaxed. “<em>Danke</em>. The thought of sleeping on it was not very inviting.”</p><p>“I only have it because someone left it here and it didn't get demolished. Logan wouldn't throw it out.” She was already cozied up in the covers with her head on the pillow facing his side of the bed—he had a side of her bed? He turned off the lights and got in beside her, intending to enjoy as much of the night as he could and then sleep on the plane.</p><p>She reached out until she connected with him, her hand at his collarbone. He clasped it, kissed her knuckles and loosely held on when he laid her hand on the mattress between them.</p><p>“I really appreciate that you came all this way to cheer me up.”</p><p>“You are my best friend. I would do almost anything for you.”</p><p>She didn't laugh. “Yeah, I know. Me, too.” She moved a little closer. “I wish you didn't have to go so soon.”</p><p>“When I come back, it will be to stay.”</p><p>She tipped her head up at the same time he leaned down to kiss her cheek, and their lips met. Instead of pulling away immediately, they both froze, then parted slowly. Kurt felt like he was in a slow-motion video as he watched her lay her head back down, eyes wide.</p><p>He attempted an apology, though he was only sorry it hadn't lasted longer. “I'm sorry, that was...”</p><p>“Yeah, it's okay...”</p><p>“Are you...?”</p><p>“Fine! I'm fine,” she repeated, getting her voice back. “It was just an accidental kiss between friends. No big deal, right?”</p><p>He let a silence fill the space before he answered. “Right.”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Infirmary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter contains mentions of pregnancy and aliens inside people.  The TW is marked in the story and there will be a summary at the end of the chapter in the notes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once again his internal clock was completely reset. He wanted to go straight to Mara and make sure she didn't book any more tours for him—he felt obligated to follow through on them. And they needed to find volunteers to lead the tours once he left. Every day he spent apart from Kitty was one he couldn't get back, and they'd lost so many already. He didn't want to waste any more time.</p><p>The museum was closed, but Mara was still awake when he arrived. He knocked on the exterior door of her apartment and she peeked out carefully before opening the door wide for him.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yes, actually, I am. How many tours did you book while I was gone?”</p><p>“You're knocking on my door at seven thirty at night to ask me <em>that</em>?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I think maybe three?”</p><p>“Don't take any more.”</p><p>Mara's face froze. “You're leaving.”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>She looked away. “Do you want to come in for a minute?”</p><p>He hadn't been in her apartment since the day he met her. He didn't sit. “I'm sorry to spring it on you like this.”</p><p>“You always said it wasn't permanent.” She sat down on a chair and put her head in her hands. “I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon.”</p><p>“Mara, I won't leave until my obligations here are fulfilled. But Kitty...”</p><p>“Finally told you she loves you?”</p><p>“What? No—why would you—what?”</p><p>Mara fumbled for words, eyes wide and panicking. “I—I was kidding?”</p><p>“You weren't. Never mind—that is not a conversation I wish to have. Kitty is running the old Xavier School. It's been renamed and rebuilt. Apparently, Scott and Logan finally had a serious disagreement that has led to their falling out. Scott stayed in Utopia, the rest of them went back to New York. I'm going back to teach.”</p><p>Mara smiled, not entirely happy, but he hadn't expected her to throw a party. “I'm happy for you.”</p><p>“Thank you. I want you to know, I am not going to simply abandon you or the museum. You are my friend.”</p><p>Mara blushed and looked down at the floor. “My friends used to tease me about my obsession with you. They said it wasn't healthy and I should let it go. And maybe it's a little weird that I collected all this stuff and opened an entire museum. But I'm not sorry I did it.”</p><p>“Neither am I. But I need to let you go for the evening. I'm wide awake, so I am heading home to figure out a few more things and I'll plan to see you tomorrow afternoon.”</p><p>He'd already called Kitty to let her know he was back, but she was in class so he left a message. He didn't have much to do at the apartment, so he walked the city and then tried to lie down and rest, if not sleep. His mind replayed the two nights with Kitty, and he realized he'd promised to bring her to Germany and still had not done so. He'd have to talk to her about that later. With the school just opening, he wasn't sure there would be any time for a vacation now. It figured, the moment he was ready, she wouldn't be able to get away. He settled in for a long night.</p><p>***TW***</p><p>The next few days, he led three tours and worked with Mara to change the website, with Kitty's help. Then he and Mara took a few more days to interview volunteers who were willing to relocate, but who would need to find paying jobs in order to stay more than a month. Kurt thought he might be able to work out a way to help Mara get the funding she needed to pay the volunteers—he laughed at that. They weren't volunteers if they were being paid, were they? He didn't care, he was going home to his friends and to Kitty. He spent a few days examining his salary, and wondering how much of it he could possibly divert to the museum, or if there was some way to include the museum in the school budget—but Kitty had said they were strapped for cash.</p><p>He'd been back in Germany less than two weeks when she called late one night, a tremor in her voice. She didn't greet him when he answered.</p><p>“Something's wrong with me.”</p><p>Kurt sat down carefully, trying not to let his imagination run away with him. She was talking to him, so she wasn't dead. Hank was at the school, so if she was sick or injured, she'd be okay. He kept his voice calm and even.</p><p>“I'm here. What's going on?”</p><p>“I—I don't know what—or how, but I, um, I think I'm pregnant.”</p><p>He clamped his jaw shut on a <em>what!</em> that would have only upset her more. Pregnant? The thought had never occurred to him, but now the future seemed irrevocably altered. She and Piotr weren't together anymore, but now they would be connected forever, by a child. That would likely push them back together. He wiped his hand down his face.</p><p>“You took a test?” he said, with what he hoped was a bit less shock. “How far along, do you think?”</p><p>“No—it's—I'm not just a <em>little</em> pregnant. I'm huge. Like, <em>eight</em> <em>months</em> pregnant.”</p><p>“Wait. How is that—how is that possible? I was just there with you, and you had no—” He sat up. She was right, something was very wrong with her.</p><p>Her voice shook, and he could tell she was crying. “I know! I don't understand what's going on. I woke up this morning and I felt sick and by this afternoon, I'm swollen like a watermelon. And I can feel it moving... Kurt, I'm scared.”</p><p>“Kitty, you need to see Hank. This isn't right.” Kitty was never scared, and if she was, she never admitted it. He needed a Blackbird. Or a long distance teleporter. Where was Pixie? Was she with Scott or Logan? He thought she was with Scott, and he knew Illyana was. No one at the school could get to him fast enough, and commercial flights were out of the question. He swore under his breath.</p><p>“Someone's at the door,” she said. “They've been trying to talk to me all day. Don't hang up?”</p><p>“I won't. I'll be right here.” This was why he had to get back. When things happened, he wanted to be there, and he hadn't been there for anything. He felt as useless as when he thought she was dead and he'd come to Germany as an escape.</p><p>He heard Hank's voice as Kitty opened the door and agreed to let him help her. He could hear Rachel, too, and other people, but she didn't hang up. There was a lot of commotion on her end, and he paced his room, the phone tight to his ear, straining to hear anything that would tell him what was happening.</p><p>“Are you still there?” she said when the voices around her went quiet at last.</p><p>“I'm here, Kätzchen. Where are you? What's going on?”</p><p>“I'm in the infirmary with Hank. He's doing an ultrasound.”</p><p>“Good. Kitty, are there any long-range teleporters at the school?”</p><p>“No, I—Hank? What's wrong?”</p><p>Kurt could hear Hank's low, growling voice rising in the background as Kitty demanded again that he tell her what was wrong.</p><p>“I want to see my baby,” she said.</p><p>Kurt's stomach twisted. What was wrong with the baby? Was it growing so fast because of Piotr's size, or his mutation? Was the baby separating from Kitty's body because of her phasing? Hank was taking too long to answer, and more questions assailed his racing imagination. What if Piotr was too far gone as Juggernaut? What if he died? What if he wanted to marry her?</p><p>At last Hank's voice came over the line, perfectly clear, and terrifying. “Kitty, you're not pregnant. You're under attack.”</p><p>“Kitty?” Kurt said, almost yelling. “What's going on?”</p><p>“Oh god,” she said. “Oh god, Kurt, it's...tiny Brood. Hundreds of them...”</p><p>He sat back down, then stood, paced the room, hating that he was here and she was there. The line went quiet for several long minutes.</p><p>“Kitty?” He paced. “Kätzchen, are you there? Are you all right?” No answer, but she hadn't hung up. He needed a plan. He needed to get to her, <em>now</em>.</p><p>“Kurt? Oh, you're still there. Hey. I don't feel good.”</p><p>“Kätzchen, are there—”</p><p>“Hank took a team inside me.”</p><p>“He did what?”</p><p>“They're going to try to kill them. I'm supposed to lie here and wait. Think I have a fever.”</p><p>Kurt ran a hand through his hair, the curls sticking up straight, he'd done it so many times. “I'll stay on the line, then. You can talk to me. I'll talk to you.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Do you remember—of course you do—when you saved me in space? How brave you were? You're still brave, Kätzchen.”</p><p>“That was different. It was one big one in the hall, and I didn't know I was infected yet.”</p><p>“It wasn't different. And the N'Garai demon. You saved yourself that night as well. You did all those things, I know you can do this.”</p><p>“Kurt, I have to go,” she said, suddenly serious and businesslike. “Broo just told me the school's under attack.” He objected even as she talked over him.</p><p>“Kitty, don't hang up, please—!”</p><p>She hung up, and he wanted to roar, to scream with the frustration of being able to do exactly <em>nothing</em> for her. He stopped pacing and rubbed his neck, realizing if he wanted to get there, he had only one viable option. So he teleported.</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt landed in the front yard of the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning, where it looked like a war was raging. He crumpled like paper, unable to move. The pain in his heart was sharp, like someone had stabbed him, and the Juggernaut was standing on his chest. He couldn't get a full breath and his vision swam. When he did inhale, it was dirt and grass, and he coughed, painfully. He clutched his chest, praying he didn't die of a heart attack after such a crazy stunt. He had never teleported that far, and didn't think he <em>could</em>. But he had.</p><p>He finally got his arms and legs to work, and sat up on his knees, hanging his head until the dizziness passed. If he passed out, he was no use to her. Rachel was here somewhere, and he reached out to her telepathically.</p><p>“Rachel? Can you hear me?”</p><p>“Kurt? What the hell?”</p><p>“Where's Kitty?”</p><p>“She's in the school. The hall near the Danger Room. She's under attack, it's Brood and—”</p><p>He lost contact with her for a moment, and she came back abruptly as he pushed to his feet.</p><p>“We're fighting them but they're in the school.”</p><p>“I'll find her.”</p><p>“Kurt, you're not in good shape.”</p><p>“Doesn't matter. Help me get to her. Rachel. <em>Please</em>.”</p><p>Walking through the front door wasn't going to happen, with so many Brood crawling everywhere. He clutched his chest, said a prayer, and teleported with Rachel's directions.</p><p>
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</p><p>He landed on the floor beside Kitty, coughing again and shaking. She was unconscious on her side, her belly distended. The whole place looked like Bobby had iced it over, and it was freezing. He put his finger on her neck and felt her pulse, saw the exhaled mist from her mouth and put his head down. Rachel was right, he was in bad shape. His heart felt like it was pumping through molasses, shooting spikes of pain through his chest with every beat.</p><p>Kitty stirred, groaned, and put a hand on her belly. Kurt touched her back and she jerked her head around.</p><p>“Kurt? How are you—how are you here?” She launched herself at him even as she spoke, planting a hard kiss on his lips.</p><p>“Teleported.”</p><p>“What the—agh!” She clutched her stomach, her head pressing into Kurt's chest until the pain passed. “Broo—we have to save him.”</p><p>“Where is he?” Kurt pushed himself upright, difficult with Kitty still clutching his shirt. Even in the midst of chaos, he wished she'd kiss him again.</p><p>Rachel's voice came in answer. “With some alien guy, down the hall.”</p><p>“Where is Rachel?” Kurt asked as he prepared to teleport again.</p><p>Kitty pointed at her stomach, and Kurt only shook his head. Answers later. “Say a prayer, Kätzchen.”</p><p>They reappeared in the hall, just as the huge alien announced his intent to kill Broo.</p><p>“Hey, you don't talk to my students like that,” Kitty yelled. Kurt had his arm around her shoulders, hers was around his waist. Neither of them were in any shape to take on such a huge alien. Kitty didn't seem to care—she'd fight that alien herself if she had to. He couldn't let her do that.</p><p>“Get Broo to safety. I'll keep him busy.”</p><p>There was a time and place to argue, and as another searing pain doubled her over, Kitty listened to him. She reached for Broo's hand while Kurt stood tall and stepped between them and the massive alien. Behind him, Kitty was urging Broo to follow her down the hall. Good.</p><p>The alien was huge, bigger than Colossus, bigger even than the Juggernaut. He smiled at Kurt, a sick, evil smirk that meant he was going to enjoy ripping him to shreds. Kurt tried to leap, failed, and stumbled into the alien, who laughed as he lifted him above his head. Kurt struggled to get free, but he was too weak and the alien's grip was like a vise clamping down on his chest. At the end of the hall, Kitty clutched her stomach and fell to her knees, Broo at her side. The alien turned, about to throw Kurt aside and go after them again.</p><p>He teleported.</p><p>High above the school, he and the alien began to fall.</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt came to on a stretcher. Next to him, on another stretcher was someone who looked to be infected with the Brood, but was being treated. Kurt's friends were there, but his eyes were heavy, and he closed them.</p><p>He woke again in the infirmary. Hank's voice was low and quiet, and probably coming from across the room. Kurt took stock of himself before opening his eyes. His chest was sore, but not tight anymore, and he could breathe again. He flexed his hands and feet and moved his tail. When he opened his eyes and looked around, he saw the machines he was hooked up to, and on his other side, Kitty. She had bruises on her arms and tubes in her nose, but she was breathing normally, and the vitals he could see on her monitors looked normal. She was covered with a sheet past her shoulders, so he had no idea if she was still swollen with Broodlings or if Hank and the others had successfully eliminated them.</p><p>He shifted onto his side so he could more easily see her, and when he did, Hank strode over. Rachel was with him.</p><p>“How do you feel?” Hank asked him.</p><p>“Better.”</p><p>“I administered everything I have on hand to aid in your recovery.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“To be blunt, you nearly died. Technically, you <em>were</em> dead for a few minutes, but I revived you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Henry. What about the alien attacker? Broo? What happened?”</p><p>Hank shared a glance with Rachel, shrugged, and told him. “After you dropped Professor Starblood—yes, that is his real name—from an unknown height, he was stunned, but recovered. Krakoa attempted to stop him, but he made it back into the building. Kitty was incapacitated by the bomb I detonated in her uterus to kill the—”</p><p>“You set off a bomb inside Kitty?”</p><p>“It was necessary. As I was saying, she was unable to act and Broo defended her. Ultimately, he defeated Starblood, most brutally. Nearly killed him. Broo doesn't remember a thing.”</p><p>“You set off a bomb inside Kitty?” He looked at Rachel, who refused to meet Kurt's eyes.</p><p>Hank sighed. “It was a <em>small bomb</em>. I had to destroy the egg sac.”</p><p>Kurt put a weak hand to his head and closed his eyes. How close they had all come. All of them.</p><p>“She's okay,” Rachel said. “SWORD's here, and Brand's people pumped her full of Centaurian Penicillin that will eliminate the rest of the Brood inside her.”</p><p>“<em>Danke</em>, Rachel. For all your help.” He didn't add that she should have stopped Hank from blowing up Kitty's internal organs. It didn't seem helpful.</p><p>“Thank <em>you</em>, Kurt,” Rachel said. “I don't know...if you hadn't come, we might have had a different outcome.”</p><p>“I don't know that I did much other than add another person to your infirmary guest list.”</p><p>“You bought us time,” Hank said. “Time that allowed us to exit Kitty's body safely and finish the battle.”</p><p>“SWORD took Starblood away,” Rachel said.</p><p>Kurt nodded, then yawned, and as his eyes closed, Rachel and Hank started to walk away. “Henry—wait. Kitty...is she...is there permanent damage?”</p><p>“No permanent damage. There is minor scarring, but it shouldn't prevent her from getting pregnant in the future, if she wants. That is what you're asking, isn't it?”</p><p>Kurt felt guilty for asking. It wasn't any of his business. Then the guilt turned to annoyance as he glanced up at Hank, who should have known better than to answer him.</p><p>“She should have choices,” Kurt said.</p><p>“I agree. But she would have had none at all if I had allowed the Brood inside her to hatch. They were eating her, Kurt, from the inside out.”</p><p>He nodded, unable to speak anymore about it.</p><p>
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</p><p>The third time he woke up, he felt like himself. His chest was still sore, but he felt like he'd slept and actually rested. He turned to see Kitty was awake, too.</p><p>“Kätzchen.” His hand shot out to her, not quite able to reach across the gap between them.</p><p>“You idiot,” she said fondly as she put her hand out and let him clasp it. “You could've died.”</p><p>He smiled. “But I didn't.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh. “Rachel told me what you did.”</p><p>“Teleported from Germany? I didn't know I could do that.”</p><p>“None of us did. What the hell?”</p><p>“I couldn't sit there doing nothing when you were here being attacked by Brood.”</p><p>“So you just...teleported across half the globe.”</p><p>“Commercial flights are slow. Turns out, though, you and Broo did most of the work.”</p><p>She gripped his hand harder. “I feel like an idiot.”</p><p>“Why in the world...?”</p><p>“When Hank told me there was an egg sac full of carnivorous Brood inside me instead of a baby...I was <em>relieved</em>. What does that say about me?” Her eyes watered. “What's <em>wrong</em> with me?”</p><p>“Nothing at all. Not a single thing.” He squeezed her hand back and wished he could crawl onto her gurney and hold her. “Don't <em>ever</em> think that.”</p><p>She looked like she might say something else, but didn't, and the silence hung between them while the monitors made their soft sounds.</p><p>Hank returned, Bobby trailing behind him this time, looking concerned.</p><p>“Kurt, good to see you,” Bobby said, reaching for his hand.</p><p>“You as well. Did you truly ice up the entire school?”</p><p>Bobby shrugged. “Only the accounting wing.” He looked at Kitty. “How're you feeling?”</p><p>“Honestly? Gross and tired.”</p><p>“Well...you saved that Brood kid's life.”</p><p>“He saved mine, too. Where <em>is</em> Broo?”</p><p>“Outside. He's been awfully quiet since the incident. Rachel's talking to him. Oh. And Logan and Quentin are back.”</p><p>“Where the hell were they?” Kitty's face went hard at Logan's name.</p><p>Hank cleared his throat. “Apparently, they were attempting to raise money for the school by profiting on an illegal gambling planet.”</p><p>“Logan took a student to a gambling world?” Kitty dropped Kurt's hand to roll onto her back, trying to sit up but only making it halfway.</p><p>“It didn't end well, if it makes you feel any better,” Bobby said. “But on the up side, Krakoa's growing us diamonds now, so we don't have to worry about funding anymore.”</p><p>Kurt pushed up on his elbows. “Really?” He glanced at Kitty. “Do you think I could have a few?”</p><p>“Sure,” she said and turned back to Bobby. “Where's Logan now?”</p><p>The infirmary door banged open and Quentin pushed Logan in, his legs twisted in impossible ways. Kurt's mouth dropped open in shock.</p><p>“<em>Mein</em> <em>Gott</em>, what happened?”</p><p>Logan grunted. “Things didn't go as planned.”</p><p>Quentin laughed. “No kidding. Lucky for you I was there or it woulda been worse.”</p><p>Kitty scowled at both of them, and even from her prone position she emanated sternness. “Shut it, Quentin. The only reason you're not spending the rest of your life in detention is because <em>this</em> idiot took you with him.” She folded her arms across her chest.</p><p>“When'd you get knocked up?” Logan said, glancing at Kitty's still-swollen belly.</p><p>“Quentin you can go. Teachers need to use some adult words.”</p><p>“You think I've never heard—”</p><p>“Leave!” She looked at Bobby. “Get him out of here.”</p><p>Kurt stifled a smile, impressed and proud. If Quentin was as smart as he acted, he'd listen. As soon as Bobby shut the doors behind Quentin, Kitty started in on Logan.</p><p>“You complete fucking asshole. While you were out gambling with our <em>student</em>, we were under attack by the Brood! I'm not pregnant, either, I'm <em>infected</em>!”</p><p>“Hank said he's got it under control. Hey Elf.” Logan tipped his chin at Kurt.</p><p>“<em>Hallo</em>.” He wasn't about to risk Kitty's wrath by saying more than that. Honestly, he wasn't too happy that Logan had been off-world, either, and the knocked-up comment didn't help.</p><p>“Everyone at the school nearly died, and don't you <em>hey Elf</em> him, he almost died, too, trying to help.”</p><p>Logan finally had the brains to look contrite. “I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. I was trying to get money so we didn't get shut down.”</p><p>Kitty relented. “You should have checked with me first. We're supposed to do this together.”</p><p>“I ain't used to that. Sorry, punkin.”</p><p>“Yeah and he left <em>me</em> in charge!” Bobby said. He had iced up the infirmary doors to keep Quentin out.</p><p>Logan rolled his eyes. “Told you, Bobby, I need you to do great things here.”</p><p>Kitty sighed and leaned back, hands rubbing her stomach, and looked at Hank. “How much longer am I gonna be like this?”</p><p>“The Centaurian Penicillin is working, and there is no sign of any more Brood in your system. You're scheduled to receive four more doses in the next twenty-four hours. The swelling is a result of the, er, trauma you experienced when we attempted to eradicate the Brood inside you. That is also healing nicely.”</p><p>“Great,” she muttered and rubbed her eyes. “Just to be clear, I'm miserable <em>not</em> because of aliens living in me but because <em>you</em> took a bunch of students on a field trip to my guts and let them have guns.”</p><p>“In my defense, I was going after the one who initiated the expedition without permission.” Hank patted her knee. “I've given you all the best medication. You should be feeling better in a day or two. Just take it easy for a while.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to do that?” she said and let her head fall back.</p><p>“Come to Germany,” Kurt said.</p><p>She looked at him, and he could see her ready to tell him no.</p><p>“It would be the perfect way to take it easy, and I think, all things considered, Logan owes you a vacation.”</p><p>“You should go, kid. He's right. I owe ya.”</p><p>“I think it's a brilliant idea,” Hank said.</p><p>“Agreed,” Bobby said from the doorway.</p><p>“I was already going to say <em>yes</em>.” She shifted on the bed. “But Hank, you've got to get this swelling down.”</p><p>“I assure you, Katherine, I am doing my best.”</p><p>Hank turned to Kurt and put his hands on his hips. “You, on the other hand, are free to go.” He started removing the monitors and shutting off the machines. “But no strenuous exercise for at least a week. I'm serious, Kurt. You strained your heart and your entire circulatory system, as well as your nervous system. One or two more teleports might have been the end of you, my friend.”</p><p>“I had to try, Henry.” He glanced at Kitty and back to Hank. “I could not sit and do nothing.”</p><p>“If you weren't in fucking Germany...” Logan said.</p><p>“If <em>you</em> had not been in outer space,” Kurt said, knitting his brows. “And I am already making the necessary arrangements to return to the team. Krakoa's diamond tree might be the answer to my last dilemma.”</p><p>He swung his legs off the side of the gurney and flexed muscles that were stiff from disuse. Hank began inspecting Logan's twisted legs, trying to determine why they hadn't healed properly, and Kurt stepped across the narrow space between his cot and Kitty's.</p><p>“As usual, Kätzchen, you are the strongest of us all. Are you in much pain? Can I get you anything? A heating pad, ice pack? Cup of tea?”</p><p>She took his hand again and rubbed her thumb over his knuckles absently. “Could you check on Broo?”</p><p>“I will. Anything else?”</p><p>She tapped her cheek, and he smiled, leaned in, and kissed her cheek, carefully avoiding the tube from her nose. Then he kissed her forehead and her other cheek.</p><p>“I hate that you got hurt,” she said, a rosy blush coloring her cheeks. “But I'm also really glad you came.”</p><p>She put his hand against her cheek and kissed it deliberately, each knuckle and the soft velvet back of his hand.</p><p>“For you, Kätzchen, I would do anything.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kitty calls Kurt to tell him something is wrong.  It's the aliens.  They attack the school and she hangs up on him.  He can't stand being in Germany so he attempts to teleport back to New York and makes it, nearly killing himself.  He manages to help Kitty and Broo escape the alien, Professor Starblood (yes, that's his name in canon), but winds up injured. Broo (as in canon) defeats Starblood.<br/>While hanging out in the infirmary getting better, Kurt asks Kitty to go to Germany with him to relax a while and she agrees.<br/>Logan and Quire return from outer space, where they were not successful gambling the school's debts away.  Kitty chews Logan out for not being at the school and more so for not telling her he was leaving.  <br/>Kitty is affectionate with Kurt during the attack (kisses him) and at the infirmary.  He tells her he'd do anything for her.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Munich</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kitty and Kurt go to Munich and there are some confessions.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains sex.</p><p>This chapter should be fine--there is no mention of pregnancy, only recovery from the alien attack.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt found Broo in a tree outside the school. Walking the campus looking for the young Brood student highlighted how badly he'd hurt himself, and how close he'd truly come to dying. Once he got moving, every part of him ached, but it felt good, too, to move again. It felt good knowing he'd managed to get here, though he didn't think he'd done enough to save her. But he could be here while she recovered, he could hold her hand and help make her comfortable while she healed.</p><p>“Are you Broo?” he called up into the branches.</p><p>He nodded. “You're Mr. Wagner.”</p><p>“Yes. Ms. Pryde asked me to check on you.”</p><p>“Oh. Is she okay now?”</p><p>“Yes, she's going to be all right. Thanks in great part to you. Thank you, Broo, for saving her life.”</p><p>Broo hung his head. “I don't want to talk about it.”</p><p>“I understand. If you ever change your mind, come find me. We may have more in common than you think.”</p><p>Broo looked down at him. “Do you work here now?”</p><p>“I will, soon.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mr. Wagner.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt didn't often think about the days after he learned who his father was, a wannabe demon mutant from ancient times who managed to trick Mystique, of all people. It was his father who'd taken him to Margali, and his father who'd tried to use him and his half siblings across the world to bring real demons to Earth. Knowing he came not just from an international terrorist but also a man whose hate made people think he was an actual demon from hell was not the kind of information that went over easily. He could relate to Broo, and someday hoped they'd be able to talk about those things. It might be good for both of them.</p><p>After talking to Broo, Kurt went back to the infirmary and sat on his gurney next to Kitty to tell her about the brief conversation. Her answers were mostly soft hums and murmurs of sound, and her eyelids drooped. He could tell she was trying to stay awake for him.</p><p>“Get some sleep,” he said and kissed her forehead again. “I'm going to call Mara and let her know where I am.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Mara was surprised to hear he was in New York again.</p><p>“I wondered where you were,” she said. “I went to your apartment but you didn't answer. Now I know why.”</p><p>He apologized for his abrupt exit, and explained what had happened. Then he told her about Krakoa's diamond trees and that Kitty had said he could use some of them to help her run the museum.</p><p>“You're kidding.”</p><p>“I am not kidding.”</p><p>She made a sound like crying, but her voice was steady. “Tell her thank you—tell her—oh my god, I can't thank her enough.”</p><p>“I'll bring some when I return. Kitty's joining me for a vacation and we can wrap things up with the museum then.”</p><p>“I can't say I won't miss you.”</p><p>“Neither can I. You've become a friend, Mara, and I appreciate you being there for me. How are things at the museum?”</p><p>“You missed a tour, but I told them you had a family emergency and refunded their money.”</p><p>“How did they take it?”</p><p>“Pretty well. They weren't happy, but I did the tour and showed them a few things I don't have on display yet. I think it appeased them somewhat.”</p><p>“If you have their address, I will write to them personally.”</p><p>“Oh, good idea.”</p><p>
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</p><p>He brought Kitty books and magazines and paper to write her lesson plans on. They worked out what classes he could teach, and fitted them into the schedule. They talked and watched movies, and Kurt moved the empty gurney next to hers, irritating Hank because he had to move the little table, too. It wasn't a perfect setup, with a wide gap still between the mattresses caused by the metal frames, but at least he could touch her, and she could put her head on his shoulder.</p><p>This was what he had in his future—maybe not her love and devotion in the romantic sense, but he had it in other ways. The way she snuggled into him until she had found the right spot so she could lean her head back and he could put his arm around her, the way she fell asleep with her hand curled into the collar of his partly unbuttoned shirt, and how her entire demeanor changed when she saw him...he could live with that and be happy.</p><p>Her recovery progressed quickly, and after two days, Hank examined her and pronounced her healthy enough to be discharged. Kitty wanted to leave immediately, and he guessed she was still worried about leaving the school in Logan's and Bobby's hands while she was gone. He understood. It made him a little nervous, too.</p><p>“I haven't made any flight reservations yet,” he said as they headed to her room so she could pack, “I wasn't sure about the dates.”</p><p>She looked up with a grin. “Good, because we don't need them.”</p><p>He cocked his head hopefully at her. “Does that mean...”</p><p>“We're taking a Blackbird? Yes, it does.”</p><p>“<em>Wunderbar</em>!”</p><p>“And when I come back, it's staying with you.”</p><p>“I had hoped to return with you,” he said.</p><p>“From what you said about those tours, I don't think the timing works out. So I'm leaving the Blackbird and taking a regular flight back at the end of the week. And you won't have to kill yourself teleporting if something happens.” She laughed softly. “<em>When</em> something happens. Because, let's face it, right? It's always something.”</p><p>“God willing, I will not need it.”</p><p>Kurt sat on the uncomfortable futon while she laid out her things on the bed, deciding what she wanted and needed and what she didn't. She seemed perfectly fine now, in spite of everything that had happened in the past week. Facing another almost-loss made him need to be close to her.</p><p>“What would you like to do on your vacation?” he asked as he stepped up beside her, touching her back briefly before folding his arms.</p><p>“Let the tour guide show me around.” She put her hand around his waist comfortably and pressed her hip into his.</p><p>“So it's up to me. I can handle that.”</p><p>“I do want to see your museum, but other than that...” she held her hands out. “Yes, the rest is up to you.”</p><p>She smiled, so beautiful he wanted to kiss her. She'd kissed him when the Brood had been after her, but he could attribute that to fear and relief. In the infirmary she'd kissed his hands like she wished she could kiss his lips. Again, that could have just been relief. She kept packing, occasionally glancing his way. He couldn't quite bring himself to take the chance.</p><p>“Remember that room we weren't sure about last time you were here?” she said as she zipped her suitcase.</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>.”</p><p>“It's empty. Well, until you move into it.”</p><p>“I look forward to moving in, and even more so to our vacation. Are you ready to go?”</p><p>“Let's get outta here.” She smiled warmly and took his hand.</p><p>
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</p><p>They set the Blackbird down outside of Winzeldorf to deliver Mara's diamonds first and let Kurt grab a few things from his apartment. Mara kept turning the diamonds over and over in her hands and staring at them in wonder.</p><p>“I almost don't want to sell them, but if I put one in a case, I'll probably get robbed,” she said, and looked up finally. “Thank you—both of you—so much. You're saving the museum, and...and me, honestly.”</p><p>“We'll make sure you stay afloat,” Kitty said.</p><p>Kurt glanced at the schedule of tours he still had, rubbing his chin as he figured out the timing. They could go into Munich tomorrow and do a bus tour there, come back to Winzeldorf in the afternoon for the tour, and then they had almost six days before he had another tour. Kitty wanted to get back by the end of the week, so that would work.</p><p>He went to his apartment to pack a small overnight bag and make some phone calls. If he was the tour guide, he better get busy.</p><p>When he returned, Mara and Kitty were talking amiably. Kitty was explaining how the Cross Time Caper had started, how Widget was involved, and how she had never figured out exactly how he worked. They laughed about Bert, the tech who came to work on Widget to prevent any further multiverse travel. Kurt laid a hand on Kitty's shoulder and listened to the women talk and laugh. Kitty's laughter was a beautiful sound and it did something to his heart—something cozy and warm and good. He rubbed her shoulder and she leaned into him without stopping her story. Mara couldn't have missed the affection between them, but she didn't react outwardly. He'd been worried she'd be jealous, but clearly he had underestimated her. Mara was more than an obsessed fangirl. She was intelligent and caring and kind, and Kurt was glad he'd been able to save the friendship. No—it was Mara who had saved it.</p><p>“And that's how I got home,” Kitty said, then jerked her thumb at Kurt. “These idiots were stuck for months.”</p><p>“Saturnyne finally sent them back, right?” Mara said.</p><p>“<em>Ja</em>, she did. It was strange. But we did not find Kitty right away. We didn't know she was here, on Earth.”</p><p>“I never checked the lighthouse, and they didn't know to look for me at St. Searle's.” She turned to Kurt, the pain of the memory clear on her face. “I thought I'd never see them again, and they thought the same thing.”</p><p>“But it was Kurt who figured it out,” Mara said.</p><p>“So I've been told,” Kitty said. “While diving off the lighthouse trying to get himself killed.”</p><p>“I was <em>not</em>.”</p><p>“Rachel showed me what you were doing, don't even try to defend it. You always do stupid things like that when you're grieving.”</p><p>Kurt sighed. She wasn't actually upset with him, not any more. She had been, when they'd finally reunited. But now it was only part of the storytelling. She was also right.</p><p>Mara walked over to another display, and as Kitty took his hand, she leaned up and kissed his cheek. She was suitably impressed for Mara's sake, and contributed more stories as they walked, which Mara jotted down on a little notepad. Kurt was eager to finish the tour so he and Kitty could leave for the city, but he was also enjoying the friendly conversation, especially Kitty's version of some of the events in his life.</p><p>
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</p><p>“I booked a bus tour for tomorrow morning in Munich,” Kurt said as they drove into the city in a rented car. “I thought it best to take it easy, considering we are both still recovering.”</p><p>“Sounds good to me, but Hank said I'm fine. And I feel fine.” She looked perfectly at ease, when he glanced at her beside him, her head resting on the seat, watching him drive.</p><p>“As do I, but at least we can report back that we followed orders, <em>ja</em>?” He quirked his mouth in half a grin.</p><p>Kitty stretched and turned a little in her seat, redirecting the vent. She glanced his way several times, always with a curious glint in her eyes, then returned her attention to the scenery.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” he said when he caught her staring yet again.</p><p>“I think I've seen you fly a jet more than I've seen you drive a car.”</p><p>“I'm sure that's true. We've never had much use for cars as X-Men, flying all around the world the way we do.”</p><p>“What are we going to see on this bus tour?”</p><p>He listed off the sights on the tour he remembered, and gave her a little background on each of the locations. Some he knew more about than others, and he was sure he was forgetting some. It didn't matter. They'd see them the next day. All that mattered was that she was sitting next to him and would be with him for almost a week. As they neared the city, the sun began to set, but for them it still felt early.</p><p>“Dinner for lunch?” he suggested.</p><p>“Shouldn't we check into the hotel first?”</p><p>“We could do that, and walk to a restaurant, if you feel up to it.”</p><p>“I'm really all right, Kurt. Hank wouldn't have released me if I wasn't okay.”</p><p>She patted his knee. It wasn't that he didn't believe her. Or Hank. It was only that he worried, and always had. He could be covered in blood, with broken bones and crushed ribs and still want to know if she was all right before he tended to himself.</p><p>“Hotel first, then.”</p><p>They pulled up to a luxurious looking building. Kitty cast sidelong glances at Kurt, waiting for him to make a comment about it, but he kept quiet, watching her reaction. He'd picked it because it was the best he could find for the night. One night of luxury was worth it, and with diamonds growing on trees, he figured he could afford to indulge. Kitty wasn't a stranger to wealth or glamorous surroundings, but she still spent a moment turning slowly in the lobby to take in all the rich furniture and plush golden carpeting. The gentleman who confirmed the reservation and gave Kurt the card keys made an obvious effort not to stare, and finally asked if he was Nightcrawler from the X-Men.</p><p>And for the first time in months, Kurt said, “Yes.”</p><p>Kitty touched his back and he gave her one of the card keys. The warmth of her hand through his shirt was something he would have taken for granted a year ago, but now he relished every touch, no matter how small or seemingly mundane it was. Her hand in his, the touch of her knee to his under the table, her fingers brushing his as he gave her a card key, all those things meant so much more because for so long, he had believed he would never touch her again.</p><p>They declined a bellhop, having only one small bag apiece, and took the elevator up to the fourth floor. The room was spacious and decorated in golden tones, like the lobby, with midnight blue accents. The thick drapes at the windows were open, framing a dazzling view of the city lights until Kurt flipped the switch at the door. As soon as he shut it, she rounded on him.</p><p>“This place is unreal,” she said. “This room is bigger than my whole apartment in college.”</p><p>Kurt gazed around the room, pleased at his choice of hotels and her reaction. He didn't want to impress her so much as show her a grand time and let her relax. He needed to relax, too, and if she enjoyed herself, he also would.</p><p>“This place has to be expensive. Please tell me you got a deal,” she said as she put her face to the window to look out. She pulled the drapes, shutting out the light from the room to see better.</p><p>Kurt watched his reflection in the window as he walked over to stand behind her. “You don't think we deserve one night in a fancy hotel?”</p><p>“Oh, we <em>do</em>,” she said, wandering away from the window. “And a good meal and a massage and a long hot soak and...” She fell back on the bed, arms stretched at her sides. “A good night's sleep.”</p><p>“Agreed, on all counts.” Kurt set his bag on one of the chairs and put his wallet in his pocket.</p><p>“I don't know if I've ever stayed in a hotel this nice,” Kitty said. She sat up at the end of the bed, legs crossed on the folded coverlet. “Except maybe that time we stayed in New York and Brian paid for everything.”</p><p>“That was more of an apartment than a hotel,” Kurt said. “It had more rooms than the lighthouse.”</p><p>“And more bathrooms, too. Speaking of...” She slid off the bed and crossed the room, her feet hardly making a sound on the thick carpet.</p><p>She opened the door to the ensuite bathroom. “Oh my god, look at this.”</p><p>He stood beside her and peered over her shoulder at the pristine white room. The tub was enormous, the shower stall gleamed with shining fixtures, and he was even tempted to run his fingers through the thick bath mat. He put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed his thumbs into the muscles.</p><p>“It has been a long time since I had the luxury of a deep tub.”</p><p>“Mm, lower,” she said, and he obeyed, pressing his fingers and thumbs into her shoulder blades and along her spine. She sighed contentedly and he had to stop before he got carried away. He gave a last light squeeze to her shoulders and kissed the back of her head.</p><p>“Yeah. Massages are on the list,” she said as she stepped into the bathroom to finish admiring it. “This tub is almost a swimming pool. We could both fit in it and still have room for more.”</p><p>Kurt raised his brows at her, but she was already heading back out.</p><p>“Party in the bathtub,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Can we eat? I'm pretty hungry.”</p><p>
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</p><p>The restaurant wasn't more than two blocks, and the night was chilly but not cold. They took their time walking, taking in the street scenery and chatting. She seemed relaxed, and he was as content as he could be, holding her hand and returning her fond smiles.</p><p>They sat in a shadowy corner of the restaurant and ate by candlelight and chandeliers made dim by the stained glass covering them. They reminded him of a pizza place in Salem Center, only these were much more tastefully done and didn't bear the brand name of a soft drink.</p><p>While they waited for dessert, Kitty became pensive, looking out across the restaurant at the other people dining, or folding her napkin into little triangles. He wondered if she was thinking about Piotr, the way she seemed to look so wistfully at the other couples talking and laughing and holding hands. When he followed her gaze once, it passed over a couple kissing across the table.</p><p>Finally the waiter brought their dessert, a giant chocolate brownie made of three different layers and topped with the richest sauce he'd ever tasted. Kitty gasped at the size of it.</p><p>“I think we're gonna need a box,” she said as she took a bite. She seemed herself again. “Okay I have to know something.”</p><p>Kurt stopped with his fork almost to his mouth. “Okay.”</p><p>“Did you have these reservations before?”</p><p>He lowered the fork. “Before what?”</p><p>“Before all this happened. The Brood attack and me...This visit.”</p><p>Kurt blinked at her as comprehension dawned slowly, and with it, hurt. “You think I was going to bring Mara here.”</p><p>She shrugged. “Maybe,” she said.</p><p>He let the silence sit, tense and thick while she poked at her dessert and he shoved a tasteless bite in his mouth.</p><p>“Were you?” she said at last.</p><p>“No. Do you want to see the receipt?”</p><p>“It's a legitimate question. Look at this place. It's fancy and expensive and everyone here is on some kind of date. And that hotel? That's not a hotel you'd take me to.”</p><p>“And yet, I did.”</p><p>“Right, which is why I asked.”</p><p>His good mood failed him completely, and he answered her in clipped tones. “I'm not dating Mara. I'm not <em>interested</em> in dating Mara.”</p><p>Annoyed, he picked up his fork, then set it down again, wanting to say something to her about her accusations. But her expression stopped him before he opened his mouth. She looked soft and her cheeks held a rosiness he was sure had not been there earlier.</p><p>In a hushed voice, she said, “Then you booked a romantic hotel and a fancy restaurant...for <em>me</em>.” She said the last words slowly, never taking her eyes off his face.</p><p>“Yes,” he said, because there was nothing else he could say, until he decided what he wanted to say.</p><p>Her blush deepened and her lips curled at the corners. “Why?”</p><p>This was a moment—<em>the</em> moment—of decision. Whatever he said today, he felt, would change the course of their friendship forever. Because he was sure she knew the truth, even if he didn't tell her.</p><p>“I've never shared much about my past with anyone, even Logan. Some of it became necessary over time, but there was so much I kept to myself. It was simply...personal.”</p><p>She ducked her head, perhaps remembering the times he'd refused to bring her here and understanding now that it was because he hadn't wanted her to know those things about himself. Now she needed to know that he did.</p><p>“When I decided to share this with you, I wanted it to be...” He searched for the right words. “Important. To be...<em>special</em>. For me, this is about more than showing you the tourist sights of Germany. This is my past and my childhood and things I've never shared with anyone else before.”</p><p>Her hand darted across the table to cover his. “Hey, you don't have to do that. Touristy stuff is fine with me.”</p><p>He smiled at her sincerity, his heart swelling at her obvious desire to care for him. “No, you misunderstand. I <em>want</em> to. I want to—” He started to say more, but the waiter arrived with a box for their leftovers. They gathered their things and concluded their business. As they headed into the street again, Kitty took his hand and pulled his arm over her shoulders.</p><p>Whatever she was thinking now, she kept it to herself, but he took comfort in her affection. All the times he had considered telling her how he felt, he had imagined her letting him down easy, being kind and gentle with his heart, but always he'd expected her to turn him down. Since she hadn't rejected him yet, he guessed she didn't understand what he was really telling her, what he'd been about to tell her when the waiter interrupted.</p><p>Outside, he wondered how to recover his train of thought and return to the conversation. So much time building up to this moment, and he didn't want to let it slip away without finally telling her.</p><p>“Thanks for dinner,” she said, halting her steps to kiss his cheek.</p><p>She lingered, one hand on his face, her lips hovering just over the fur near his mouth. He turned so his lips met hers, and when she still didn't move, he kissed her.</p><p>It might have been fear swirling in his belly, or nerves, or hope, but when she kissed him back it broke loose, flooding his veins. As her lips parted, he cradled her in his arms, deepening the kiss as she grasped his hair in one fist and the back of his coat in the other.</p><p>When she broke the kiss, sliding down his chest, he realized how wantonly she'd been clinging to him. Had he missed so many signs? He must have—her kiss when he appeared at her side during the Brood attack, her invitation for him to stay with her, <em>in her bed</em>, even the way she'd looked at him when she was in the containment unit in the lab in San Francisco. It had always been there, right in front of him, but he'd been so caught up in his conviction that she couldn't possibly love him, he'd missed it.</p><p>“Kätzchen...” He paused to soak up the loving gaze in her eyes. “I want to show you Germany because I love you. I am <em>in love</em> with you. Completely and helplessly in love with you.”</p><p>She blinked a sheen of water from her eyes that surprised him even more than her sweet kisses. “You have no idea how much I love you.”</p><p>He caught her up in his arms and kissed her again, with more passion than before, without a care to the people or the traffic passing them by. None of it mattered. When she whimpered softly he stopped, pressing his forehead to hers, and forced himself to breathe. Her fingers darted across his face, tracing bones and shadows until she curled them around the collar of his coat. He leaned back enough to look into her eyes.</p><p>“I want to show you <em>my</em> Germany. The places I knew, not just the big cities and tourist attractions. There are so many other places I can take you, if you'll allow me.”</p><p>“Show me everything,” she whispered, and pressed her lips to the line of his jaw, and not kissing her was becoming much too difficult.</p><p>“Hold your breath,” he said and teleported before she could remind him about Hank's warning.</p><p>She didn't scold him when they arrived in their hotel room, but crashed into him, sending him stumbling toward the bed. He'd kiss her there all night if she let him, but she seemed as eager as he felt. Kitty shoved at his coat, peeling it off his arms one at a time, phasing hers off when he grasped the collar to toss it aside.</p><p>He backed into the bed and sat, pulling her onto his lap. He wanted to look at her and kiss her and touch her all at the same time, and he even managed it for a moment. Then she said his name with such need, he faltered, his mouth lifting from her neck so he could breathe. Her fingers combed through his hair, and she kissed his head. He let it soothe him enough to refocus his intentions.</p><p>She ran her hand down the front of his shirt, fingers slipping between the buttons to graze the fur of his chest. He held her waist, wanting to touch her everywhere. Hesitating. She hooked one arm around his neck and started undoing the first button on his shirt. He kissed her shoulder and her neck, sliding his lips up to hers.</p><p>“Tell me what you want.”</p><p>“Everything, Kurt,” she said, lips moving against his skin. “I want everything.”</p><p>She pressed her lips into his, tongue slipping inside to tease and explore.</p><p>“What about you?” she said between kisses. “What do you want?”</p><p>“You.”</p><p>His heart fluttered at the sound she made then, an electric pulse racing up and down his spine. She undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt while he worked her sweater up and off. She tossed his shirt aside and ran her hands through the fur on his chest, anticipation and excitement making her squirm in his lap. He pulled her hips closer, letting her feel exactly how much he wanted her, then unfastened the clasp of her bra while he kissed her everywhere.</p><p>She made short work of his pants, phasing them off, hand sliding down his thighs to cup the hard shape of him through his briefs. He wanted them off, he wanted her naked, too, but his mouth was occupied and she was already sliding her fingers under the elastic waistband. He released her breast to moan softly into her neck instead. Her fingers grazing smooth skin sent a rush of desire through him, pooling beneath her stroking hand.</p><p>He tugged at the waist of her pants, halted by her hips and her legs straddling him. “I want to take these off,” he said.</p><p>She stood, and before she could shimmy them down, he was on his knees helping, sliding her panties down, too, and kissing her all over. She braced, hands on his shoulders as she gasped.</p><p>“Kurt,” she said, and he stood, kissed her lips, wrapped his tail around her thigh. She hooked a finger in the waist of his briefs and flicked them away. He didn't think he'd ever view her power in the same way again.</p><p>She pushed him onto the bed and climbed up beside him, admiring him as she traced the contours of his chest, his abs, his hips. She had him on the edge with a few strokes, too close, too fast. Kurt rolled, wrapped an arm around her, and lowered her to the bed, making her gasp with his mouth and tongue and tail. He moved steadily down her body, kissing a wandering path across her breasts and belly and legs until she arched her back and bit her lip and cried his name.</p><p>He held her hips, tail dancing across her skin, ravenous for her taste. She scratched his hair, knees pressed open while he indulged in her bliss. He wanted to be buried in her while she made these same sounds, he wanted her cries in his ear, and her fingers scraping across his back. The image of her writhing like this beneath him was almost overwhelming.</p><p>When she pushed him away, panting and running a hand through her hair, he took his time kissing his way back to her lips. She grabbed his hair and pulled him to her, knees creeping up his sides. He raised his hips, and she reached down, guiding him in. He went as slowly as he could stand, watching her face. Her eyes fluttered closed at first, but her hand dallied between them, enjoying the physical connection as he began to move.</p><p>She gripped his shoulders, rocking with the rhythm he set. Her breath warmed his neck, and she pressed an open mouth kiss to his cheek as he groaned her name. He wanted her so badly, and now she was here, and he was in her. She felt so good, and her voice begging in his ear sent him careening over the edge.</p><p>When Kitty finally moved, it was to throw her arm across his chest and her knee across his legs, her breath still coming quickly with excitement. He kissed her forehead and stroked her back idly until she picked her head up.</p><p>“Try out that tub with me?” she said, as if he might actually say no.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Apartment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Short ending part with a little sexy times at the beginning.</p>
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    <p>There were no apologies in the morning, only sweet greetings and soft kisses behind his ear and down his neck. He felt no guilt, no foolishness, no remorse, only a deep sense of finally being where he belonged with the right woman. Kitty sighed contentedly and stretched, soft skin caressing his fur as she rolled on top of him. He smoothed her hair back as she smiled sweetly at him.</p><p>“We missed the tour,” he said without concern.</p><p>“This one was better.”</p><p>He skimmed over her back, pushing the sheet past her hips, and palmed soft curves as she kissed him. He closed his eyes as she slipped down his body, her hands everywhere, her lips hot on his skin. Hot and wet and making him moan, one hand toying with the spade of his tail as she made him forget where he was.</p><p>
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</p><p>Kurt packed up what little remained in his apartment, feeling more hopeful and happy than he had when he'd unpacked. He was no longer grieving the loss of his best friend, but he was also no longer grieving a loss of himself. From the time he'd lost the circus, he'd piled on stress upon stress, culminating finally with Kitty's apparent death. Each cumulative loss had stripped away more of himself, until he couldn't see his place with the team or the world he'd come to know with the X-Men. The only answer he could see was to simply not be there anymore.</p><p>Surprisingly, it had worked. Running from the pain of Kitty's loss had ultimately inspired him to face it. And he'd faced the loss of his circus friends as well. He didn't think he'd ever stop missing them, but he believed he would have found a way to live with the losses, as he had his brother's and his circus friends. Fortunately, Kitty had come back to him, but even if she hadn't, he felt more confident now that he would have found a way to move on.</p><p>And he'd done good things, too. He'd helped Mara improve the Nightcrawler Museum, and she had promised to continue working towards expanding the mindsets of the people of Winzeldorf. Kurt wasn't willing to give up on them, as he had when he was younger. He'd realized, in Henrik's death, that there was so much more he could do—that his fight didn't always have to be physical. He'd discovered a strength in himself he hadn't known he had. He'd learned he liked teaching and educating others. And he'd learned that trusting others wasn't such a terrible thing after all.</p><p>He packed the albums last, no longer afraid to face what was on the pages inside. The past didn't have to haunt him anymore and the future was no longer bleak and empty.</p><p>Kurt taped up the last box and teleported it to the Blackbird waiting in a field outside Winzeldorf. He'd said his good-byes to Mara and the new tour guides he'd met and helped train. He only had to do a final walk through and turn in the key, and he'd be heading home—to Kitty, to his friends, to a new job. As the Blackbird lifted off, he put in a call to Kitty, to let her know when to expect him. There was chaos at the school and she couldn't talk long, but that was all right. He was going home, and he'd be there soon to help her. It felt right. He smiled and turned the jet toward New York.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kurt's circus in Winzeldorf is destroyed during the 2004 Nightcrawler solo miniseries; Amanda and Margali hid the Soul Sword in Kurt without his knowledge, and creatures were looking for it, destroying everything in their path.<br/>Kitty goes to Breakworld and gets trapped in the giant space bullet in Giant Size Astonishing X-Men #1.<br/>She returns in Uncanny X-Men #522.<br/>Kurt quits the team in Manifest Destiny Nightcrawler #1, and also later, just before he dies in canon, when he learns Scott had Logan and X-Force carrying out some pretty horrendous things.  I haven't read those issues, but my understanding is that it was pretty lousy of Scott to do that.  It's not particularly addressed in this fic.<br/>Kurt dies in canon in X-Force volume 3 #26 and returns in Amazing X-Men volume 2 #5.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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